English Tweeting Bird comic poem number 383 by Angela Lansbury

 I woke up as the light was dawning

Only six o'clock in the morning

In the bathroom I heard tweet tweet

From a tiny bird out in the street

I said, "Hello,' and then a tweet-tweet

I thought he's so cute and really sweet

But probably calling to his friends

Like police summons, it never ends

I told him, if I may be so bold

I know you're lonely out in the cold

I'll interrupt you, beg your pardon

Feel free to fly into my garden

I love to hear your near tweet tweet tweet

But please don't drop poo onto the seat

Nor on the head of people below

Please tell your friends that I told you so

In my bathroom I did my small wee

Some vulgar people call it a pee

I tell my toddler grand-child wee's twee

I hope you'll agree and copy me

I'm in the bathroom by the bath

Looking through the bathroom window

Wash my hands, smile, give a laugh

But what is on the seat below!

The bird has left there something new

It looks just like some white bird poo

I bang the wondow, crossly shout

The tweeter's gone, to rout about

Later I'll go to clean away

The first outside job of the day

And make the garden clean and neat

Then welcome back the birdy's tweet

It's my first job to clean it all

I must be philosophical

I wish the birds good food to eat

To me - yuk -  worms!  To them it's meat

I, too, must eat, through vegans frown

And when my vegan friend's in town

I stick to eating lettuce leaves

Agree with her so she won't grieve

Then when she's gone, I'm like the bird

Just hop about, unthinking nerd

And eat whatever comes to hand

No planned, whatever's in my land

Drink water, say 'thank you,' and 'please'

The water lubricates your knees

I wickedly eat milk and cheese

Like birds go with the flow and breeze

What goes up must come down, white or brown

What goes around will soon come around

Day after day, birds wee but look sweet

They make my day with their tweet, tweet, tweet.

-ends-

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Picture of hat for sale on RSPB website.

RSPB is the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds.

https://shopping.rspb.org.uk/gifts-home/clothing-and-outdoor/fashion-accessories/hats/rspb-beanie-2022.html

The colour is rust and the price is 25 pounds sterling. I have a birthday coming up.

Also see poem 400.