If I were you
I would speak Chinese
And not waste time
Saying thank you and please.
If I were the king
I'd make everyone speak the King's English
I'd ban Korean, and Greek
Bad Grammar, Creole, Russian, Vietnamese and Singlish.
On second thoughts
We would learn Esperanto in school
An international language
Would be such a handy tool.
If I were you all the buses
And Sundays newspapers would be free
But f I were you
I would not be me
If I were a bee
I would make flavoured honey
Give beehives to every gardener and farmer
We'd all make lots more money
If I were a bird
I'd sing in tune, and parrot every word
Teacher's lessons repeated, re-heard
If I were not a bird-brained bird
If I were a horse
I would run fast of course
And neigh 'til I was hoarse
If I were an internet, animated, 3D horse
If I were a cat
I'd sleep on the mat
Catch mice as cat food, save money on that
If I were a cat
If I were a cloud
I could not laugh out loud
I'm sure it's not allowed
If you are a digital cloud
If I were a tree
How odd that would be
Much more animated than me
If I were overprinted on a 3D tree
If I were a fish
I'd swim in the pond or sea
Then be preserved in a car key ring
How lucky I am that I'm me.
If I made travel goods
And make them all block colours
To go with matching clothes
Yes, I really would
If we had to start again
Maybe we'd all be men
All cocks and no hens
Pack unisex clothes, if we had to start again
Lastly, if I were you
That would never do
You know that it is true
For I'm me, and you are you
If you were in this room
And not just on Zoom
You could stand on the balcony
And watch tropical flowers bloom
Travel websites, now we've thought about it
Always tell the truth, I know you'll never doubt it
The museums closes Mondays, but on the web we travel far
Today I travel online, and love things the way they are.
-ends-
As the old Irish jokes goes, when asked the way, a bystander replied, 'If I were you, I wouldn't start from here.'
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