A writer is a wronger
Who sits up half the night
And bleary eyed or teary eyed
Helped by spellcheck, sets the whole world right
Some have a drive to be the best
First, in New York Times, or just a club
Be on TV, cruise on high seas
Launch in Michelin bars! Or BYO grub - in a pub
Their Facebook page gushes daily wins
"My darling publisher sent me these gorgeous roses!"
For new movies or rail crashes
They're out, with their book, striking poses
The most successful authors
Are everywhere you look
And every day, in every way
They find a way to show their book
Jealous writers stare aghast,
"That so-and-so is everywhere
My bare bikini days are past
Sequins, at dawn? And purple hair!"
She's the one with singing dogs
A mishap when her skirt fell off
And t-shirts with advertising frogs
She's making money, please don't scoff
The majority of writers
Are working at a loss
Earning less than the cleaner
No wonder they are cross
Pretending they're successful
For free books, hold out hands
Only the taxman sees their debts
I'm sure he understands
Who reads the first line of Jane Austen
Old English teacher in bifocals
While chicklit author's dancin' on the table
With the male voice choir and locals -
Old Mildred tut-tuts, shake her head, "Jane's lost it."
Jane retorts, "She's living in the past!?"
"That line between us, decency, she's crossed it!"
"I'm in the best seller list - at last!"
Jane repeats each reader's word of praise
And rants if there's a critic
We should do that! Why don't we?
We should be glad. And copy. Not say, "I'm sick of it!"
Stop successful writers, ask their secret
They're not crazy optimists, nor fools
They admit, "You win some - and you lose some."
Praise them, ask them, they'll share their rules
Whether you're writing crime
Or romance or history
Academic, advertising, poetry
Selling is not a mystery
If you write crime or romance
Look the part, and wear the look
Know the title, publisher and price -
And show the cover of your book!
If they don't want to buy your book
But talk of their dead Dad
Then listen and sympathize
A novel plot is to be had!
Maybe, in a year, or two
When you write about surviving bereavement
That dear, sweet soul will think of you
Wondering where her book money should be spent
And if you are kind to everyone
One day when you are dead
Whether you die rich or poor
Your precious good books will still be read.
-ends-
Copyright Angela Lansbury (aka Hazel Nutter) July 26 Wed 2023
The author dancing on the table was the late Jane Wenham Jones in Wales at Writers' Holiday, which alas is no more, but Writers' Summer School, which inspired Writer's' Holiday, is still going strong.
Please share links to your favourite blogs and blog posts. I have other blogs on travelwith angelalansbury.blogspot.com and dressofthedayangela.blogspot.com
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