A Spider's Web comical poem 655 by Angela Lansbury

What is the best spider catcher

A glass with stiff card below

I've a spider catcher with a sliding panel

And a hoover works well, but few know 

We can never catch all the spiders

That is the big surprise

I'm sure that ten more are born

Each time one of them dies

A spider's web, one spider?

There must be a tribe

On the bathroom ceiling

The car mirror, and many more besides

When you see those trailing strands

Littering your house

You can guiltlessly dispose of them

In the bin with the abondoned wasps' nest 

And the short-lived dead mouse

The web which is worth keeping

Is the one which looks like crochet

Better than your woven blanket

It catches the spider's dish of the day

You have to take sides

The spider or the fly

It's a bit like watching tennis

One will win, the other die

I dont mind at all

So long as the spider's very small

It's got such a pretty house of doom

Better than racing round the room.

I could waste half the day

Spraying, and reading cans of spray

Smart spiders wait 'til I'm in bed

Then, unseen, weave their pretty webs instead.

-ends-

Comic Poem 200 Never Alone

Family of foxes cavorting in my back garden, Hatch End, Pinner, NW London, England, UK. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

 You can live alone

In a mobile home

You can follow the crowd

And laugh in loud

At those stuck in a coach

Or at home with a roach

You can't escape lies

Like you can't escape flies

Life can be good

In ebullient mood

As you drive through the woods

And steal your own food

You are never alone

In a static home

You can eat and grow fat

Within sight of a rat

Where the bees like to tease

And you wonder why

Spiders don't catch more flies.

And termites don't die.

That fox in my garden

Has two, big, staring eyes

I felt someone was watching

Now I know why.

They're there - and I'm here

Safe but stuck in my home!

I am technically all alone

Yet surrounded by eyes, never alone.

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury 2023 22 July. 

My draft of this poem had laugh out loud as the ending to the first verse. I though that was a cliche, too predictable and commonplace. then I changed it to laugh in loud.

When I was a Child. Comic poem 143.

When I was a child

A toilet was a potty

and the world was full of people

who my mother said were dotty 

When I was a child

back in the day

You never looked back

beyond yesterday

When I was a child

I didn't have cares

I was not afraid of bears

And I didn't buy shares

I was only afraid of

Things inside my head

Shadows on the stairs

Spiders hide under the bed

When I was a child

You could walk in the wild

And a day was full of hours

And you could pick wild flowers

When I see a laughing baby

I wonder, maybe

One day, in quite a while

You'll remember now and smile.

-ends-

by Angela Lansury 2022  20 June