The Little Fig comical poem 688 by Angela Lansbury

Fig served in London. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

I had a fig to go with wine

I see others' figs all the time

Supermarkets are in the know

Figs can't be difficult to grow

I haven't got a fig they say

I didn't have a juicy fig

I went and bought a little sprig

Twenty years later it's too big

It started very cute but small

Planted a few feet from our wall

Three years I watched it anxiously

Alas it didn't grow at all

Then, hurray, it started growing

And then it grew its first small fig

Then more, but not soft nor big

What next? We'd no way of knowing

If you cooked them for several hours

Eventually they'd soften

Delicious in a syrup, we agreed, but

Something you won't do too often

Then we built a house extension

A glassed conservatory

But the fig's now too near 

Roots lift, shift a house, like oak trees

The fig leaves have grown enormous

At the expense of the plant's figs

They say that if your figs are small

It's 'cos you let leaves grow too big

Now it's rained for several days

No need to water the garden

The only problem is I see

The fig stalks start to harden

I do not want to cut it down

Wave all our years of work goodbye

Let's plant a bisexual tree

That's something I'm keen we should try

But my husband frowns angrily

'You and your damned little, hard figs

It took me hours to cook them up

And now the useless tree's too big!'

Yes, if we dig up my loved fig tree

The garden gains by looking big

But I'll point at the space and sigh

'We used to have a lovely fig.'

but I shall miss my healthy fig

Mixed with fruit, seeds and a fresh date

I'll raid my cheap supermarket

To fill my dawn five-a-day plate.

-ends-

Also see poem 667 on the fig, apple and other trees.

Please share links to your favourite poems on my blog posts. I have more blogs on travel, and fashion. 

Also see my latest book, the amusing Embarrassing Moments on Amazon.com or Amazon.co.uk or Lulu.com . I have about nineteen other books on these websites. I have poems in books

Seriously Funny Poems by Angela Lansbury

Writing Poetry For Fun

Poetry Workshop Workbook

We Saw The Dinosaur (illustrated large book with one long poem for children)

In the And Us series of anthologies by Carolyn Street I have some poems.

In Addictions & Us I have a poem entitled Hoarding Plane Traveller. and a chapter 11 Confessions of a Hoarder, Keeping Order, and chapter 12 Fighting Fat, Getting Fit - Addicted to Eating Potatoes, Chocolates and Freebies. In Grief and Us I wrote Chapter 5 Coping with Bereavement and Depression, not humorous poems in that book, although I recommend reading humorous poetry and watching humorous films or videos.