Fusspots Stop At The Door. Comical poem 765 by Angela Lansbury.

Door knocker. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

A fusspot knocks, stops at the door

She said, 'Sorry, I won't come in

I've seen enough of your clutter 

Half of this should go in the bin

Shelf showing old books, certificates from speech contest, and awards. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

'Your hallway makes me feel ill

It looks like you've been in a war

Shelves of ornaments.' 'Vital bills,

Prizes.' 'Shoes all over the floor.'

My spouse said, 'Our milk's become cheese

I've swept the floor, cleared up the dirt.

Vintage? Dated jackets and skirts!

Why are you looking cross and hurt?'

I'm tired, sick, the house still a mess

It takes an hour to shower, dress

I've tidied the desk, I'm doing my best

On teaching days, ignore the rest

After meeting fusspot, I'd felt depressed

Next day, gone noon when I got dressed

Five! Welcomed small pupils inside

One girl, so sweet, I nearly cried

Large red fan on wall. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

'My goodness,' she said, 'a huge fan!

'What a house, full of foreign stuff

There's so much to see and discuss

Just an hour here isn't enough

'I love your smiley door knocker

The pictures and hooks in the hall

You've more books than a library

You did those paintings on the wall!

Self portrait by Angela Lansbury. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

'Colours like a birthday party

Like Christmas day in a toy shop

A doll's house, so much to touch, do

I  won't stop coming to see you

Tall dolls' house. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

'My home is clean, empty, and dull

When my homework's done, I feel bored

You've always time to talk, listen

Mum's so busy, I feel ignored

'Your house is just the very best

Every room is full of treasure

It's fun, exciting, yet a rest

Visiting you is such a pleasure.'

-ends-

Five means five o'clock. After school tutoring.

Preventing And Moulding Mold. Comical poem 764 by Angela Lansbury

THEN

A single widow in the Fifties

A refugee, from Germany

Europeans daily open their windows

She opened widows for fresh air

Had tea outside in the open air

Left beds and chairs with space below

Advantages we did not know

Left a mould-free flat to her heirs

NEXT

We bought a dehumidifier

Put in storage, listed in stock

Plugged it in to check it's working

Soon filled with water! What a shock.

NOW

Well after the Millennium

The occupants had changed again

Two bedrooms, a family of five

Suffered mould, that was a surprise

The law has changed yet again

A child's death govenments mention

The landlord must: fix problems fast

Advise tenants on prevention

CAUSE - OBSERVATION - EVIDENCE

The cause of mould is no mystery

Water, in the buildings' history

Black ceilings, gutter leaks overhead

Skirting boards - rising damp - flower beds

Builders long gone have done their best

Walk round, observe, an easy test

Blocked drains and flooding bring more pain

Report quickly and do your best

You breathe out water when you breathe

Rain water pours down ivy leaves

You exercise, cough, blow your nose

Wash up the dishes, bedding, clothes

Every adult, child and cat

The umbrella, raincoat, rain hat

Around the bath, under the bathmat

Around the sink, the dripping tap

You're spreading water everywhere

Every time you wash your hair

Every time you flush the toilet

Under the rim, how often d'you clean it?

You shut the windows when it's cold

Windows steam up, water makes mould

The mould will give you colds and coughs

Asthma, worse, carries small kids off

OUTSIDE

A damp course, horizontal line

Walk outside, foot high, you'll see it

Unless the plants touch bricks above

Gardeners should cut, agree it

What is the cause, you must decide

Is it from outside, or inside?

Warn landlords, don't delay 

If left too late, more cost to pay

INSIDE - CURES

Proverbs say, stitch in time saves nine 

Is all that mould their fault - or mine!

Even though nobody's looking

Put lids on saucepans when you're cooking

Duvets and cushions away from walls

Clothes in cupboards in a basket

Buy a wall moisiture detector

Is it too much to ask it

I known skiers keep warm in snow

So warm clothes are the way to go

Save money to dispel the gloom

Heat up the person, not the room

Dress for the outside, take a walk

Even the old won't feel the cold

But what if you lot only slouch?

Electric blankets for the couch

INDOORS CAUSES

You breathe out water through the night

Open the windows in daylight

And keep them open half an hour

Before, during, after a shower

Either banish water, or make spills vanish

Those wet clothes on the radiator!

Kettles, covered coffee cups, big dinners

A warning sign, misted windows and mirrors

From hot countries, other nations

Aren't prepared for so much rain

Causing so much condensation

Global warming, yet more rain

Double glazing, central heating,

Extended families, big meetings

Instead of people living alone

MOH, and working from home

INDOORS CURES

We can't fix the sloping grounds

Rebuilding walls costs thousands of pounds

But now we're wiser, now we know

The simple answer, open the window.

 

-ends-

Easy rhymes, observation, observe.

Grammar. Police Traffic Lights. Comical |Poem number 763 by Angela Lansbury

 I am very fond of grammar

For just a wee dram shows my skills

Glad to correct stranger's for free

Send thanks, but help teachers pay bills

I am proud to be a teacher

Of the words from yesterday

I try to save words from the past

Which naive newbies throw away

Yet I do not speak like Shakespeare

I admit fashions change, move on

Scatter poems like confetti

Words which will stay when we've moved on

Like graffiti from poor Romans

Near 3D trompe loeil on rich walls

Everyone shouts out their message

To leave love, hate, pride from their falls

A child starts with grunts, screams, and smiles 

Pets wants attention, food, walks, love

Patterns predictable like day

But varied like the clouds above

We find pleasure in stillness, rest

Yet like adventure, news, movement

Common sense, from experience

But also novelty, improvement

You must know the rules to change them

Like Tarte Tatin, upturned cake

There's a place and time to break things

But I love to build, make and create

The joy of language and grammar

Is not to kick and hurt the fools

It is like offering a paintbrush

The rules are simply tools

I am not a cat chasing a mouse

I wear a smile, give praise, not grouse

Like ordered shelves so you find things

In your brain's big cluttered house .

Each day I expand my dictionary

List new words I didn't know

I add a page of glossary

Add slush, to fifty words for snow

Build a house with a hammer

Like planning walls, pillars and beams

I will help you build with grammar

So you can express your dreams.

-ends-.

Please share links to your favourite poems.

Useful Websites

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ode_to_the_West_Wind

About Angela Lansbury - my books of poetry

Poetry Pets & Pests

Angela's Alarming Animal poems

Poetry Workbook

 My latest book, Embarrassing Moments, is on Amazon, at a bargain price of well under ten pounds

My books are on Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk, and Lulu.com

Take a look. You might like to buy one for yourself or a friend. 

See my other blogs on Travel, Wine and dine, and Dress of the day Angela. Please share links to your favourite blogs and posts.

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Alive or Dead In Bed comical poem 762 by Angela Lansbury

I wake, there's silence in the room

I feel a dreadful sense of doom

Right now snoring would be relief

Hearing a grunt or something brief

 There is a body in the bed

Still sheet over body and head

I cannot see the body breathe

I wonder if I ought to leave

It's not a murder, there's no knife

We're simply at the end of life

I know this news is rather dire

The time you die's when you retire

I stand and watch, there is no sound

I try to pull the sheet right down

But it is tightly wrapped around

Two empty slippers on the ground

A tickle or a gentle stroke

Hurray, he turned, at last he woke

He's wide awake and he is cross

Much better than a total loss

Grumpy has a cup of coffee

I prepare a cup of tea

I am smiling, I am happy

I've got him back alive with me.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite poems.

Useful Websites

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ode_to_the_West_Wind

About Angela Lansbury - my books of poetry

Poetry Pets & Pests

Angela's Alarming Animal poems

Poetry Workbook

 My latest book, Embarrassing Moments, is on Amazon, at a bargain price of well under ten pounds

My books are on Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk, and Lulu.com

Take a look. You might like to buy one for yourself or a friend. 

See my other blogs on Travel, Wine and dine, and Dress of the day Angela. Please share links to your favourite blogs and posts.

Please follow me and share link

The Wonderful Will. Comical poem number 761 by Angela Lansbury

 What can  I leave you in my will?

Wonders, warm words which soothe all ill

A silver spray of sweet perfume

To help you breathe deep in each room

From pink and pine trees in the street

Glimpse gleaming treasures, sweets and treats

Windows with shutters open wide

So from the garden peep inside

A garden filled with red flowers

Where you sit and snooze for hours

In a hammock, or bamboo chairs

Dream painted tower's spiral stairs

Flowers feed bees and butterflies

Gently swaying weeping willow

Frilly white clouds, drift pure blue skies

Soft cushions, embroidered pillows

By a curved path of rainbow brick

Snug on rugs, sharing a picnic

Grapes, dates, almonds, currants, carrots

Watching the watching parrots

And in the house a small gold frame

My photo smiling, Italic name

By a comfy, carved old chair

So you can dream that I'm still there.

-ends-

I have tried to re-order the lines so that you go from the house where you read the will, out to the springtime garden, and back to the house with the photo. A circular poem, with the first and last verses framing the wandering thoughts.

I have used vivid, pictorial images, the humour of the hungry parrots enticed by the vision of the food, and the happy memories.

It is a picture of my bungalow in Hatch End, with parrakeets in the trees, but the imaginary tower, a Disney image, to rhyme with flower.

Tree in Hillview Road. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

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The Yin and the Yang 760

 

Yin and Yang from Wikipedia.

The symbol so succinct, the black and white

The contrast so clear is like day and night

The Chinese call it the yin and the yan

A circle, or sphere, ends where it began

It's like a school year, back home, then back here

Or a holiday, places far away

Let's try something new, an expensive game, 

Spice makes it taste nice, it looks just the same

Like breakfast and lunch, I have a hunch

The Trap Of Old Rhymes In A Draught. Comical Poem 759 by Angela Lansbury.

 I'm struggling hard to find escapes

From traps of old and well-known rhymes

Dictionaries delay, like big capes.

Pick words which echo modern times!

So let's chuck old rhymes in verse two 

June, moon, tune, noon, protected

Start verse three with a shock that's new

Misheard, absurd, unexpected

From classic poets, much to learn

But I shall censor 'thee' and 'thou'

Like them, make do with modern, 'you'

Invent new similes somehow

Although I always do my best

I start excited in a tiz

A bad start can leave me depressed

I'm not Shakespeare, only one is

No muse can help us pass life's test

Though AI edits all the rest

The way to pass life's daily test

Is starting early at one's desk

Your first draft has cliches, mistakes

But editing is all it takes

Thought can start or follow action

Just start, both bring satisfaction.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite poems.

Useful Websites

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ode_to_the_West_Wind

About Angela Lansbury - my books of poetry

Poetry Pets & Pests

Angela's Alarming Animal poems

Poetry Workbook

 My latest book, Embarrassing Moments, is on Amazon, at a bargain price of well under ten pounds

My books are on Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk, and Lulu.com

Take a look. You might like to buy one for yourself or a friend. 

See my other blogs on Travel, Wine and dine, and Dress of the day Angela. Please share links to your favourite blogs and posts.

Please follow me and share links to your favourite poems.