The glass half full comical poem by comic Angela Lansbury

 Did I start my day with a glass half full?

I can't remember, I gulped water down

I took a deep breath, I re-filled it up

I went on to a full coffee cup

I'll re-start my day with 'a glass full up'

Take my pill, drink water down, smile around

A great metaphor, think of happy days

Spread happiness like butter, round and round

My fine wine glass is gleaming clean, empty

So it should be at only ten a.m.

I need a dry day, or two, maybe six

Driving, before I dare to drink again

I day-dream of dancing at a wedding

An end to searching for the perfect one

Before I married I wasted free time 

I felt my life was like a job half done

A month in a wheelchair turned my thoughts round

Now talking and walking are a great joy

I'm so happy to be me and healthy

Silly living my life with thoughts upside down

Its great to see good food on a full plate

I've a roof not leaking above my head

M parents gone but I've husband and son

I've a chair, a pen, a book, and a bed

I've a smart old laptop and a smart old phone

I've had a lot of jobs, many lessons learned

I've friends and enamies who've come and gone

Today I'm alone but don't feel alone

I chat to strangers like friends on the bus

Dozens talk nonsense on the internet 

I've funny friends who I remember well

Odd and awkward ones we should all forget

Each day a million tiny things go wrong

The bus, taxi or plane will turn up late

I shrug at creaking floors, and squeaking doors

The tardy friend who always makes us wait

I've plenty of non-urgent things to do

I've ten jumbled poems in my small head

But I'll find time to listen hard to you

Before I escape to my soft silk bed.

-ends-

Three Close Friends Wine Tasting comical poem 671

'Hello, my name is Natalie, 

Here's Janet, that is Beverly

I have a husband, he's not here

He's not a wine man, he likes beer'

Cheese plate. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Beverley buys a plate of cheese

She hands it round, 'Do take some, please,'

She sends the plate round the table

Making friends, she is capable

Three good friends, smiling and happy

Three good friends, friendly, chatty

Every night they're out and about

They'll live to a hundred, I've no doubt.

-ends-

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In The Night comical poem 670 by comic and poet Angela Lansbury

When I get up in the night

I often feel that nothing's right

First my hair's tangled, and frizzy

Second, worse, I'm feeling dizzy

My husband won't allow a light

Complains and claims it wakes him up

I tripped, tipped my glass of water

Now drink, blind, from a stable cup

Tipped glass, andcup, cup and upright glass and cup. Photos by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Pains pull my shoulder, hit my hip

I've chewed dry lipstick off my lip

Secrets shared by my physios

Rest right leg, left foot, on pillows

***

When young I wanted a romance

A kind and handsome millionaire

Now that I'm old I do not care

And all I need is someone there

I had my chance, a millionaire

Short, ugly, bald, chest of white hair

He was deaf, half blind, wore a wig

His landscapred garden grew hard figs

Who cares if my hair was frizzy

Minutes after feeling dizzy

I'm glad to be back in my bed

It's best to have an empty head

***

Dawn, my hair's combed straight, not frizzy

Morning, I'm active, not dizzy

Next day, I've had a good night's sleep

Forget bad dreams I need not keep

Next day, nothing is what it seemed

Last night seems like a short, bad dream

The cup and glass are in their place

And you smile at my smiling face.

-ends-

My first version read

First of all my hair is frizzy, 

a minor mishap, which seems major to some, by day, but not night

secondly tangled is nearer the truth for me, and includes more people, although first of all is more conersational.

Pains in my shoulder and my hip

I changed this to pull my shoulder

Than I wondered if I could make an alliteration for hip

Yes hit.

Pains pull my shoulder, hit my hip

My first version read 

Forget dreams I don't wish to keep

The second revised version was

Forget bad dreams I need not keep

Forget dreams I don't wish to keep

?

The revised version is alliterative.

I changed I sometimes feel that nothing's right

to

I often feel that nothings's right

Less vague.

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Then read my other blogs on Travel and learning Spanish, and dress of the day about clothes for different activitie and altering last season's clothes to fit this season's weight and size.

The Tea In Your Coffee Cup comical poem 669 by comic Angela Lansbury

  The tea in your coffee cup

Is important, drink it up

Add some milk if it's too hot

Drink it quickly if it's not

The coffee in your tea cup

Is important, drink it up

The cups are neatly labelled

But temporarily disabled

I try to hide what is inside

It's not like coffee-tea on a plane

You drink that twice if you're insane

I never complain, but don't drink it again

-ends-

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All The World Is Mad But Me comical song 668 by Angela Lansbury

 

Let's agree half the world is mad

We know the other half is bad

I'm looking for a new, sane, friend

It's hopeless. Sometimes I feel sad

A few decades before my time

Smart but mad women won the vote

Yet now some think black cats rule life 

What's superstition's antidote?

The streets are full of people who

Wear masks and scarves and funny hats

Religious, football, uniforms

You need ten hats to join all that

Party politics divides them

Plus the graffiti on the wall

If my only friends were those who're sane

I'd have no friends at all

I understand teenagers

Who want to raise their voice

But I have to be quiet

I do not have a choice

I have friends of all religions

And skins of every hue

And every kind of politics

And superstitions too

Some think that God spoke to them

Some believe in the big bang

Some think home school, and no rules

Others that insulters should hang

Some won't eat pig, some won't eat beef 

Some won't eat lamb, some won't eat meat, 

No fish, raw fish, no milk, no eggs 

Be gluten free, no sugar, what's left to eat?

As for me, today's thoughts

Keep quiet is what life's taught

Hunters, don't show what you've caught

Or all your friendships come to naught

An theist, agnostic, or a humanist

A left wing, right wing, woke or communist

If I told my friends they are wrong

I'd never be kissed and never missed

So if you want to know what I believe

I believe there is no need

For me to stir the water

Upset your transgender daughter

And if I have a special diet

I shall try to keep quiet

Yet some things have gone the other way

I can say I'm dying and sick today

I can't fly the flag of my nation

But can mention menstruation

I don't know where this debate will end

But hope to keep all my batty friends

If I'd known my husband was a rocker

But next weekend was a mod

I'd have had tears, not fifty years

With one who won't believe in God

Because people who at first seem sane

Are secretly mad, but I don't complain

For though it drives me up the wall

If I stuck to the sane, I'd have no friends at all.

-ends-

How to convert a poem to neat eight syllables in every line?

I saved a syllable by replacing only wih just.

FigTrees, Figs, Firs, Apples And Fig Leaves comical poem 667 by Angela Lansbury

 

Fig tree in zlondon, left. Apple tree right. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

Our fig trees, firs, apples are big

Each day our fig tree grows bigger

Sadly the figs are hard to eat

But the leaves have lots of vigour

Stay calm, plants grow, do not panic

Online guides say we need to prune 

But to be truly organic

Only when we see the full moon

Meanwhile we have mountains of leaves

Which cause daily acute distress

 I'm a tidy person and grieve

At this woke unrecycled mess

But don't let dreams make gardeners grieve

Perfectionism sends distress

Be poisitve. We've big fig leaves

If we ever need a new dress.

-ends-

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New Year, Autumn, Chinese, Jewish, School and Uni comical poem 666 by Angela Lansbury

 In autmn time we celebrate

Diwali, Sukkot, far and near

In every country and Indian state

Chinese Mooncakes, Jewish New Year

New year for preschool and for school

New Year for university

We learn computers and futures

And how to spell Deepavali

The teacher in the modern school

Needs to show that she's not a fool

Know all the names, candles, handles

Know every religion, food and rule

Diwali's lights will fill long streets

Each culture has sweet food to eat

Jewish New Year, blow a ram's horn

Christmas means God's dear son is born

On Yom Kippur the fit will fast

They only say nay to food one day

Follow bible laws from times long past

Then mooncakes from websites far away.

On Yom Kippur we confessed our sins

October brings cooler weather

Halloween's bright orange pumpkins 

More to celebrate together.\

Autumn means shorter days, long night

So festivals fill streets with lights

To keep us optimistic, warm

We fill ourselves with sweet delights.

-ends-

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