Lost Keys - Problem Solved. Comical Poem 876 by Angela Lansbury

 Where did I lose my keys?

Did I lose them, did they lose me?

Lost Property has lots of them

To prevent burglars, with no name

I bought a bag containing a key chain

It was fixed I was so glad

But when the bag fell apart

I felt very sad

I cut out the ribbon

Thought, I'll sew it on my new bag

I didn't need to sew it

Used a large safety pin I had

I kept my keys on the lanyard

Pinned inside every bag

Soon I had forgotten

Lost key troubles I once had

When I went out without a bag

I pinned keys to my pocket

Not sewn, just with a safety pin

Like plugs stuck in a socket

Now I always have my keys

Although my pocket's heavy

I never have to wait and hunt

Nor pay the new key levy

Once mother lost her house keys

Found after mother died

We found them in her straw holiday bag

When we looked inside

My son lost our front door keys

We added two more locks

They were under his friend's sofa

Their cleaning lady rocks 

I've made a list of places

Where keys like to hide

Inside a coat, or jacket

A suitcase, search each pocket

Like losing your train ticket

To prevent the loss, day and night

You simply must decide always

Which pocket, left or right

Some people lose keys often

It's a losing keys disease

It's no good asking dead mother

Or God, upon your knees

Just have a designated place

Inside a hollow book

In your jacket's right hand pocket

Or inside a cupboard on a hook

I've made a list of places

You can find lost keys

So when you take me to your home

Find your keys quickly, please.

-ends-

I asked Ask Gemini which of my poem subjects got most readers, and whether to repeat these subjects or try new ones. The answer was that the most popular poems were on everyday problems or events, and landmarks which people looked for on search engines. So, I thought that a common problem is lost keys.

 This is the succinct version of the Lost Keys poem. I am copying this poem to my travel blog, adding verses for travellers, (the American spelling is travelers) calling that version number 877. The third version on my blog dress of the day will have more about sewing keys inside pockets and bags and that version will be numbered 878.

travelwithangelalansbury.blogspot.com

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My Latest Prayer comical poem 875 by Angela Lansbury

 All day I'm asking God for things

All night a constant list of prayers

But just like when I go shopping

I forget the most important things

And leave that vital list on the chair

Yesterday I asked for something big

Please send me a millionaire

I knew it was important

To clearly specify

He has to be keen on me

No one night stand, just passing by

I do not want a burglar

I do not want a gangster

I do not want a gambler

Nor a smoker, vegan, or prankster

He must be in good health

And take care of his wealth

And have all his teeth and hair

He must be willing to share

And he must not swear

He must like good food and wine

I still want all the other things

On my long shopping list

Lots of love and hugs

And be cuddled and kissed

Keep me safe from fire and flood

From car crashes and plane smashes

He must like good food and wine

And having a good time

Avoid sinking ships, diseases of the blood

I know that I must pay my way

Give something in return

Not drop litter, do the washing up

Remember foreign words I've learned

Make sure the dinner doesn't burn

Do exercise and brush my teeth

And wash my face and hair

Dear God are you listening

Dear God - are you there?

I'm not childish, nor unreasonable

Wicked or irreligious

I've noticed believers say it every day

They mention God all the time

In every sentence that they say

Whether they are healthy,

When they are ill

Jews, Arabs, dancers in Brazil

Yes, sexy Brazilian couples, too

They say, God willing, just listen

You know it's true, it's a usual thing to do

So I hope you'll understand

If I share my little prayer

May I live to be a hundred - and send me a millionaire.

PS Make that a millionaire

In pounds, Euros, or US dollars

Not in rupees, or currencies

Whose promises are hollow

I'm not in any hurry

Any time tomorrow

PPS

Please don't hurt my husband

He'll do fine for now

Any time in the next ten years

I'm sure you'll work it out, somehow

PPPS

I know you are a kindly God

Won't stress us, for you care

So just send me a billionaire

Who wants to have an affair.

-ends-

Holding Up The Leaning Tower. Comical poem 874 by comic Angela Lansbury

 

Hands bigger than my head. Trick of perspective. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

 I hold up the Leaning Tower

The famous one in Italy

I hold up the Eiffel Tower

That's the one in gay Paree

Me by Statue of Liberty

I'm on a small boat out to sea

I see you looking sceptically

The wonders of photography

You can make towers look small

You can make yourself look tall

Look like you're holding up the wall

When you're not doing that at all

You can make your viewers snigger

Nearby feet and hands look bigger

First step forwards, then step back

If surprise is what you lack

It's the wonder of perspective

Follow some expert's directive

Forward, back, then up and down

Change the size, and paint the town

As children we would play I-spy

Simply spotting what flew by

Now I can visit every state

Seeking new pictures to create

You laugh or gasp or simply stare

Edit some, choose best ones to share.

Even if it takes you a while

It's worth it to provoke a smile.

-ends-

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A foreground figure or part of the body nearer the camera looks larger. The distant object or part of the body seems smaller.

The Fall comical poem number 873 by comic Angela Lansbury

Autumn is coming, Americans call

It not falling leaves, but simply the Fall

I wobble like leaves, wander down the hall

But smartly grab walls and don't fall at all.

Should I admit that recently I fell?

That was back in June, in autumn I'm well

New exercises, full of surprises

Make sure if I fall I roll like a ball.

-ends-

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Updated on 20 October 2026 to eight syllables per line.

Practical Information On Preventing Falls And Falling Safely

Safe Falling Demonstration

I recall at a |Toastmasters International club in Singapore, which met at the Sheraton hotel, the late Laurence who had had part of one leg amputated, enjoyed shocking the audience by pretending to fall up the steps to the middle of the dais. He would fall and immediately right himself, and gleefully lift his trousers to show his wooden ankle. 

He always got applause and was voted the best table topics speaker. (He was volunteering to give 2 minute impromptu speech on one of the topics which in the 1920s when TI started in the USA were on pieces of paper on the table, face down, selected randomly.)

After writing this poem I started wondering how you avoid a fall. I seem to remember that he had learned to fall safely at martial arts classes, which are very popular in Singapore, and taught to all ages in the Community Centres in every area.

I asked AI for advice on falling.

Minimize the impact and protect vital areas of your body using specific physical techniques:

• Protect your head: Tuck your chin firmly into your chest immediately to prevent your head from whipping backward and striking the ground. Wrap your arms around your head to shield it from debris or hard surfaces.

• Roll with the fall: Avoid keeping your body rigid. Instead, try to curve your back and roll along the fleshy parts of your body (such as your shoulder, hip, and thigh) to distribute the impact over a larger surface area rather than a single point.

• Avoid breaking falls with straight arms: Never extend your arms stiffly. Also don't lock your elbows to catch yourself, as this often results in wrist breaks and hairline cracks, dislocated shoulders, or broken collarbones. If your hands must hit the ground, keep your elbows slightly bent.

• Fall sideways if possible: If you feel yourself losing your balance backward or forward, try to twist and land on your side. Landing flat on your back can knock the wind out of you or injure your spine. But falling directly forward risks injuring your face, mouth and teeth area.

• Keep joints loose: Allow your knees to remain slightly bent rather than locked straight to help absorb some of the shock.

• I asked where Gemini got the information

• Gemini took the essential points from Mayo Clinic on Fall Prevention, and Medical Guardian on How to Fall Safely. Gemini rewrote the information without technical terms, without long words such as velocity. Gemini also left out advice on clothing and furniture. I have further edited Gemini's text into simpler, everyday language, leaving out such terms as kinetic energy, trauma, dental, while, fractures. This helps me to grasp the facts at a glance, as well as helping all my readers in countries such as Singapore, whose location is listed in my blogger's Google analytics pages.

The End. Comical Poem 872 by Angela Lansbury

It isn't much fun in a hospice or home

Where the health care visitor weighs twenty stone

Better than last year widowed, on your own

It's so good to know you're not alone

I'm always happy, though Monday's I'm angry

I ate all the chocolates but I'm still hungry

My socks don't match but I love my clothes

Who my visitor is, nobody knows

New friends swear, shout, sing, soon go mad

One cheese sandwich each day for lunch isn't bad

You remember your childhood like yesterday

But can't remember the month, week, or day

- Or whether you had breakfast today

Your sister tells you he is your brother

Your daughter's the one you thought was mother

They visit each day but soon go away

You've a half-star room costing five star bills

Every visitor wants you to re-write your will

Every fifteen minutes you take ten pills

A walk to the plant pot's your biggest thrill

One small drawer for all of your things

Somebody's stolen your plastic wedding ring

Two dresses and ten incontinence pads

A scarf for Sunday's music hall rag

Forty people, a birthday every weekend

Whisky glasses and birthday cake

As usual, the front door is locked

And half the staff have gone to a wake

Yesterday's enemy is today's friend

Yesterday's friend's chat drives us round the bend

Was it your birthday? What did I send?

I'm so happy, a great place, new start, a good end.

-ends-

The Dreadful Things Which People Do. Comical poem 871 by Angela Lansbury.

Broken Black Umbrella. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

The dreadful things which people do

Of course, I don't mean me, nor you

They tear their clothes, and cut their hair

Rich folk complain - nothing to wear

Toddlers who break towers of bricks

People who need their spelling fixed

People who live in tower blocks

Admit they chucked out my odd socks

People with names I can't pronounce

People who dance but cannot dance

People who run after one glance

People who speak German in France

People who don't want my advice

People who charge for one drink twice

They cross roads, talking on the phone

Scammers who won't leave me alone

People on trains who sing and shout

Use brollies which the faithful doubt

Free gifts, with conditions, not free

I wonder what they think of me?

-ends-

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Cautionary tales.Comical Poem number 870 by Angela Lansbury

The Victorians were sensible

Even their poets were practical

Cautionary tales gave all a warning

When rationality was dawning 

They gave a warning to a small child

That even a zoo animal's wild

Clearly stated in pictures and verse

A naughty child ends up in a hearse

Kittens are kittens but cats are cats

Tigers are wild, and all zoos know that

Although a cage puts you in a rage

Even those from Mars know don't climb bars

In Singapore visitors are sure

After one mishap there are no more

They searched around for the antidote

And made a moat, but not with a boat

Balcony bars aren't horizontal

they're designed impossible to climb

If something bad happens only once

Make sure that it stays the only time

You cannot pass through the safety glass

Nor take a dive. so tourists survive

When reports and remedies are done

We'll all go back to have safe fun

Though I'm no longer a small scared child

I don't like it in the scary wild

Too many tales and warnings I've seen

Now I watch the wild things on my screen.

-ends-

After the fatal incident in the Yorkshire wild life park I asked Gemini AI if Singapore Safari Park, which is linked to the zoo, has had accidents, and what safety measures where introduced. 

also read

1. "Jim, Who Ran Away from His Nurse, and Was Eaten by a Lion" by Hilaire Belloc

This is a classic satirical cautionary tale from Belloc's Cautionary Tales for Children (published in 1907).

The Lion and Albert by Marriott Edgar

This is a famous northern English comic monologue (often performed by Stanley Holloway) written in dialect.

Hilaire Belloc passed away in 1953. His copyright expired at the end of 2023 (70 years after 1953), meaning his works are now out of copyright and in the public domain.

Marriott Edgar passed away earlier, in 1951. His copyright expired at the end of 2021 (70 years after 1951), meaning his works are also out of copyright and in the public domain.The Wetherspoons pub located right near the Blackpool Tower was actually named The Albert and The Lion in honor of the poem.

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