How To Wash And Clean, inspiring quick action guide - comical poem 584 by Angela Lansbury

 Comb. Wash. Dress. Wipe everything clean

Sink, taps, toilet. Hands, again. Face

My glasses; the computer screen

The plates, each neat, back in its place

Every time I make a good move

To clear the desk, or clean the floor

I find a lost glove, pen, coin, shoe

I'm rewarded! Keen to do more!

A good night's sleep - a re-born saint

Sweep the floor. Find needles! Pens. Pins

Sort coloured crayons, brush by paint.

Work makes up for yesterday's sins!

I exercise wrists, feet, neck, knees.

I'll file, or chuck out now-paid bills.

I label all important keys.

Throw, or return, outdated pills

I'll sort the rubbish, empty bins

I'll dress matched, so I look my best

When each room's done, the next begins.

I secretly sort others' mess!

List on fridge doors, which I can't lose

Leftovers make a quick dinner

Do up buttons, fold, pair odd shoes

Frame awards, show I'm a winner

I wonder what stopped me so long?

New system? No. Always knew it

Others must be stuck, tired, gone wrong

I'll inspire, show all can do it!

-ends-

I'm torn between ending, I'll tell the world, which amusingly reveals the smug, self-satisfied author, instructing others, and let's tell the world, which is inclusive and makes the reader and writer a team.

For editors, executors, feel free to read, remember, or print either version or both.

I changed the last couplet from There must be others tired, gone wrong, I'll show the world how they can do it.

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Jolly Obituary For Daddy comical poem 583. by Angela Lansbury

Netta and Albert Lansbury. Wedding Photo. 1943. Copyright Angela Lansbury.

I had a long and happy life

I had a short but happy wife

She always did her best for me

I had a lot of cups of tea

I had a lot of holidays

You like home when you've been away

I never had the I'm bored blues

I watered plants, mended old shoes

Every day I went out walking

I'm deaf, my wife did the talking

I got too tired to go to town

So I played bridge, actively, sitting down

All lives endure some sun, some rain

I think of sun and don't complain

I wish that I had died at home

I'm sorry to leave you alone

Others complain their life was tough

'though mine was good, I've had enough

If one's life is like a train

No need to do it all again

I don't want reincarnation

My train's reached its destination

Live in or let or sell my home

I won't know what's on my tombstone

I watched my diet, took my pills

A month is too long to be ill

I've done the washing, paid the bills

And everything is in my will

I've told you eveything I know

And so it's time to let me go

I had a short but happy wife

I had a long and happy life.

-ends-

Sums up what my father said in hospital. A practical man. Opthalmic optician. Born 1912. Died 2005.

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Remember, Remember, The Italian For Room Is Stanza comical poem 582 by Angela Lansbury

English has many words which rhyme and

So they're were easy to remember

For example, months September

November and last December

Maria's name rhymes with Rosa

They've more rhymes than us here

They went to the trattoria

For their carriera, career

They both saw a handsome waiter

But he was a double dater

With one either side on the tavolo

But could he pay for the trio?

Mario had no denario

Held in his small duo mano

So he could get no credito

To pay for the big bigletto

How do I recall that room is stanza

Poem parts, ottava rima

Think of them hearing Mario Lanza

Add pictures, that's a bonanza.

Mario played the piano

Maria played the piano

And Rosa played the piano

The trio put on a good show

Let's reverse it, stanaza's a room

A tiny womb, or a huge tomb

An Italian meeting room

An online room with faces on Zoom

Mario was a dilletante

But the favourite of his zio

Maria's Did owned the ristorante

And paid for them all, the hero

Let's end on a happy nota

They sang a joyful sonata

The segretaria wrote a lettera

All said let's do this ancora.

-ends-

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Why Does The Garden Grow? Comical poem 581 by Angela Lansbury

 Tell us, why does the garden grow

I though I knew, but now I know

To make sure the retired don't shirk

Give us, retired, gardeners work

Some turn to crochet, knitting, beads

While others race to pull out weeks

We keenly watch for cuttings, seeds

Give sweet pea plants the drink each needs

Although we're told all bad things pass

We stick up signs, Keep off the grass

We build wind chimes to make kids laugh

Then sternly warn, stay on the path

When winter's gone, or summer's through

Find new essential things to do

Like cleaning moss from plants and stairs

And do repairs to musical chairs

A fallen fence, a crumbling wall

Busy God cannot do it all

He sends the rain but then will moan

'Just do the rest, folks - on your own!'

We check if posted vines survive

And if not thrive, just stay alive

To tell the truth, I don't tell lies

Most plants I see are a surprise

And though our old apple tree's rotten

We find forget-me-nots forgotten

See treats for eyes, my soul, your nose

Wild, keenly climbing, short-lived rose.

Grasshopper on orange rose, Hatch End, London, England. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

-ends-

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The Cancelled Wedding comical poem 580 by Angela Lansbury

 Some people think that a wedding

Is such an im-poor-tant thing 

You need a year to change your mind

Brides, don't rush returning the ring

Jealous singles sigh, feeling need

Think the engaged lucky, indeed

'though many friends' dates' mouths to feed

Long wedding lists can look like greed

Pre-naptial contracts spring surprise

Fear defence aginst cheating, lies

Seems unfriendly in other's eyes

If both write rules, at least they tried

Then what happens if I don't sign?

Then worry stops. Joy's not doubled

What's yours is yours, what's mine is mine

Can we still remain a couple?

A cancelled wedding's bad, of course

Stay together, then there's no cost

But is it better than divorce?

If you part now, then all is lost

If you cancel the wedding and honeymoon

Guests cannot recover their costs so soon

Instead have an early vacation in June

A familiy reunion could be a boon

Best cancel sooner not later

I wish they'd settled weeks before

Nobody wants to make mistakes

Is this cause, result? Is there more?

Puzzled poor flower girl's asking, 'Where's aunty?

Will she be here for the big party?"

"Maybe postponed, 'til later this year

It'll it be the same, if replaced, my dear."

May these two get back together

Is this a bad sign, or a test?

Or else quickly find another

We hope all turns out for the best.

May the year end with joy, no tears

May this year end the perfect year

A perfect husband, a perfect wife

Both headed for a happy life.

***

I learned my parents' wedding stopped

For two days, just four days ahead

My widowed Dad said, (mum long dead)

Joined lifelong!  That lives in my head

-ends-

True story. I hope my grand-daughter gets to be a flower girl.

My parents wedding was cancelled because my father's mother warned him he'd always be second best if he married a widow. However, he cancelled the cancellation and they married during WW2.

Netta and Albert Lansbury, wedding. Photo coyright Angela Lansbury.

My parents' wartime wedding. My mother not wearing white. She was a widow, had lost her first husband who died in a plane over El Alamein.

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This Strange World comical poem 579 by Angela Lansbury

 

I sometimes think it's very strange

The way the world has been arranged

For everything that's been arranged

Another thing is disarranged

It's good that day will follow night

But also night will follow day

For everything that's wrong turns right

Then right goes wrong or runs away

White rose in my garden. Photo by Angela Lansbury. COPYRIGHT. 

The food that's hot will soon grow cold

People are born, the young grow old

Some always laugh, whilst others scold

It's always been that way, we're told

The sun will come to grow the seeds

Rain waters trees as well as weeds

The plant does not care who it feeds

But paints patterns like pretty beads

One rose is red, another white 

Each blooms then petals blow away

Yet every day brings new delight

New perfume blows old cares away.

-ends-

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Poetry Workshop Workbook by Angela Lansbury. From Lulu.com ebook for GBP 6.95. Contains funny poems and guides to writing your own.

The Tree I Planted comical poem number 578 by Angela Lansbury

 

Chocolate tree.

In the garden I plant a tree

Which has a longer life than me

I'm sure that you would like to know

Why we old folks stilI plant and sow

The truth, dear friends, who wonder why

Is I don't think that I will die

It's wishful thinking, yes, I know

But that is why all gardens grow

So every mad, bad, silly creed

Can promise gold foil for good deeds

'cause I can't grasp my train station

Is made by imagination

Thank goodness that pigs cannot fly

To join the clouds which paint the sky

You know that we don't outlive trees

Yet you'll still plant them. So do I.

Some are stupid and some are wise

Some write poems, some tell lies

But I am wise, the whole world knows

The tree I planted was a rose.

Orange rose in my garden. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

-ends-

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