Dreamy Travel Tales comical poem 710 by Angela Lansbury

Angela wearing I love London tee-shirt. Photo by Trevor Sharot. Copyright.

 I wish you a hundred happy twist tales

Steering the finest ships with the highest sails

From America to Kiwi land via Welsh rarebit Wales

Little lifeboats stocked with caviar and snails in red pails

Small steam trains passing playgrounds on signposted trails

Ships cause the envy of Nessie, jumping dolphins and whales

Islands where each meal feast is an ice carving surprise

Chocolate chicken and dinosaur pies

Giant chocolate-covered strawberries win first prize

Drones over domes carry you and me on easily

To castle towers with turrets, a fantasy

Beyond the wild Dalmatian dreams of Disney

Pearl-white opal silk clouds over silver seas

Where we sip Champagne froth and peppermint teas

Admiring rose roses and avocado trees

Coloured maps like solved crossword clues

Where skies are perfect blueberry hues

Waterfall music mountains make dreams come true.

-ends-

Father's Last Words comical poem 709 by Angela Lansbury

'I had a long and happy life

I had a short but happy wife

She always did her best for me

She made a lot of cups of tea

'Always been deaf in my left ear

When your Mum spoke I couldn't hear

Then I grew deaf in both my ears

I nodded, smiled and said, 'Yes, dear'

'I've had a good life

I can't complain

I'd do it exactly the same again'

He kept saying exactly the same

 

' I had a lot of holidays

You like home when you've been away

I'm never bored, no 'maybe' blues

I watered plants, and mended shoes

'Sorry to leave, you're not alone

I wish that I could die at home

'All lives go through some sun, some rain

I think of sun and won't complain

'When I'm below, maybe above

We've both had lives filled with love

Others here say their life was tough

My life's been good, I've had enough

'I've sorted all, there's nothing left

The bank statements filed on the left

I've told you everything I know

And so it's time you let me go

'If one's life is like a train

Mine has reached its destination

No need to do it all again

What's the point of reincarnation?

'I've no plans for reincarnation

Never thought about reincarnation

I don't care what's on my tombstone

Live in or let or sell my home

'I had a smiling happy wife

I've had a long and happy life

I've told you everything I know

I love you, too, so let me go.

Netta, Angela Lansbury's mother. 

-ends-

My father died aged 93 in Watford hospital.

Longing For Short Clothes in India comical poem 708 by Angela Lansbury

The year was nineteen sixty four

I've checked - it was a decade more

Too long a single I'd tarried

The year before I got married

Last boyfriend said, 'I've a conference

I'm going to Bombay

How would you like to come along?'

It seemed exciting, far away

To a novice travel vulture

India's a strange new culture

I left London in winter boots

For flip-flop tropics without suits

I'd worn my London miniskirt

But ladies there wore a saree

They looked at me like I was dirt

I draped a scarf in a hurry

The hotel gate grows begging kids

Demanding coins, each a winner

I learn money's for them or me

I can't afford to buy dinner

Hotel breakfast - not much to eat

No bacon, sausage, where's the meat?

Waiters are shocked when I complain

I reject fruit, think it's a cheat

The event was just for lawyers

It cost a millionaire's rupees

To get in free I did typing

I asked, 'Find me typewriters, please'

They showed me upstairs to a room

Alone, it's silent as a tomb

Then in rush men, they stop and stare

I am the only woman there

Every secretary's a man

It seemed the very strangest land

Now London's full of Indians

And Bangladeshi food

No need to travel half the world

If curry takes your mood

Our pub is stocking Indian beer

And serves weekly Indian grub

A good place to drink and eat

And meet Indians who live in my street.

Did I say Indian beer?

Indian Mango beer - made here.

-ends-

Christmas Day - The Truth comical verse 707 by Angela Lansbury

It's shristmas day, don't say, no way

Time flies so fast that I'm caught short

No Xmas prezzies have been bought

Just poems on what I've been taught

I've rushed about, I'm getting fraught

Afraid plus plans will come to nought

Last night I had a drink, a few

Today, it's none, just one, or two

As designated driver

Saving license, car and liver

I hope that nobody suspects

I'm already planned what comes next

When prices are not quite so dear

I'll buy my outfit for next year

In sales we'll buy more sweet mince pies

Terrific, calorific and good

Leftover turkey, Christmas cake

Nuts, silver tinsel, Christmas pud

Maybe Champagne, a drink or two

Sequins, red Santa hat and wig

A photo showing what we do

Before we all fall off the twig

Imagine Santa in the sky

Is where we all good children go

To get rewarded when we die

To race across the snow cloud sky

We get rewarded with a sleigh

I'd like a new Rolls Royce I'd say

We wrote letters back in the day

I guessed I wouldn't get my way

The plastic reindeer glowing bright

Never seem to sleep tight at night

Alas I'm wise, I've learned the truth

'You can't park your sleigh on my roof'

I believed in Santa Claus

Got prezzies in bows by the tree

Years have flown by so fast

Now old, white-haired Santa is me.

-ends-

I Want To Live One Hundred Years comical poem 706 by Angela Lansbury

I want to live one hundred years

If doctors can't give three or two

I'd like to spend one more decade

With, or without, the help of you

I'd like to live one hundred years

Or even only ninety-nine

Like a leasehold that's getting old

Or long-term parking with no fine

I regret spending so much time

Trying to not to get frail nor ill

With vaccines, flu jabs and masks

Six different types of daily pill

If I live to one hundred years

Journals will ask how I survived

With broken bones, and broken teeth

They'll be surprised I'm still alive

I'm hoping to regrow my teeth

Chew well, look good - ribbon, bow, tie

 Smooth skin on top, cure all beneath

A smart hair cut before I dye.

-ends-

Books of Comical Poems By Angela Lansbury

Please share with friends, family and colleagues the links to your favourite posts. Please follow me. Share with friends, family, colleagues, teachers, pupils, fellow poets, links to your favourite poems and my blog.

My books of poetry are on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk and Lulu.com

Seriously Funny Poems

Poetry Workshop Workbook (Ballads, limericks, villanelles and more, examples, structure, tips)

Writing Poetry for fun

Poetry Pets and Pests

Humorous (not poetry).

A Xmas present to yourself, friends or family.

When You're Feeling Dizzy comical poem 705 by Angela Lansbury

When I lie down or stand up quickly

No fever but I feel I'm sickly

Everything swings round and round

The ceiling swaps space with the ground

I feel like a roller coaster

On a swinging, falling poster

Like a ship goes up and down -

While waves create a scary sound

A ringing, zinging, high pitch whine

I do not hear it all the time

Only when all else is quiet

Is it lack of sleep or diet?

I'll be glad when the cause is found

Cure - physio, or pills sent round

My doctor says the inner ear

Controls both, so a cure is near.

My friend says just rotate both feet

So messages to brain will meet

Though feet and brain seem far apart

Signs travel through the lungs and heart

The world is known by eyes and ears

Right from your very early years

Earth at your feet, eye level's here

No need to think about it, dear

It's like a distant radio

Take no notice, no need to know

Your body talks, it gets work done

'til one thing fails, then that's no fun

Feet send a signal which is clear

My head's on top, my feet down here.

Or both my feet and head in bed

Stop jumping when I rest my head

Head, hear blood, don't drive me mental

Head on pillow, I'm horizontal

I'm not standing, no longer vertical

Listen, brain cells, nerves told you all

So I'll go off to A and E

I'm glad the NHS is 'free'

Paid by our taxes in advance

So when we need health, we can glance

From your toenails up to your hair

Just fill in a long questionnaire

Doctors and nurses hurry by

Leave me to trust helpful AI.

Like saving for a rainy day

AI need not get in your way

It's like your money in the banks

Helps when needed and needs no thanks.

-ends-

Tinnitus and dizziness both caused by the ear, related problems, my doctor said.

Please share with friends, family and colleagues the links to your favourite posts. Please follow me. Share with friends, family, colleagues, teachers, pupils, fellow poets, links to your favourite poems and my blog.

My books of poetry are on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk and Lulu.com

A Xmas present to yourself, friends or family.

If Your Hair Is Straight Or Frizzy comical poem 704 by Angela Lansbury

 If your hair is straight or frizzy

And you have a special date

You need not get in a tizzy

If your hairdresser is busy

There's no need for you to wait

DIY it curly or straight

Just like a shirt which you drip-dry

You make it wet, then let it dry

While holding straight with pins and combs.

Or curl your finger, when at home

In a cafe or by the sea

I promise you it works for me

-ends-

I number my poems to keep them in numerical so I can find them again, or refer back to them with other people. I discovered early on that if I kept changing the title of a poem and kept them in alphabetical order it was time-consuming to try to locate a poem, to find the latest version, or the shorter early version or to compare version 1 with revised renamed version 2, or to identify a poem which somebody else had read under a different title.

Please share with friends, family and colleagues the links to your favourite posts. Please follow me. Share with friends, family, colleagues, teachers, pupils, fellow poets, links to your favourite poems and my blog.

My books of poetry are on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk and Lulu.com

An Xmas present to yourself, friends or family.