We Happily Met On the Internet Then He Asked Me For Too Much Money (part 2) 597 comic poem/song - how I revised my song

 Version 2 comical poem by Angela Lansbury

I met you on the internet

You sent a link, to meet on zoom

I set alarms, must not forget

 Frantic, tidy my messy room

I'd well prepared washed my long hair

I found short jokes, cut canned laughter

Threw dice to choose ten tops to wear?

Poured a whisky glass of  - water

Background Checks

Two strangers had a bad moment

A sensible moment of doubt

I checked on you on - everywhere

I hoped you, too, had checked me out

PR &SALES

In PR and sales, you're no fool

You asked me, 'Are you ready?

'Are you prepared to follow rules?''

'Happy, solvent, thrifty, steady  

TEACHERS

I knew mentors ask for money

It's what good teachers deserve

You must pay more for good honey

 I said, 'No, Wait.' I'd lost my nerve

PRICES

It seems a very large amount

So I'm waiting for a discount

I wait to hear tips as you speak

And ask how much it costs per week

Maybe one day I shall return

If money fell from heaven

For what you teach and I could learn

At sale prices like Seven Eleven

 SALES OPTIMIST

Once you have given your sales pitch

Don't despair, you're not in the ditch

Although a slow sale is a hitch

Just one in ten can make you rich

Maybe today they got the sack

Just wait til they are on the track

If you can offer what they lack

Maybe one day, one will come back

***

PROMISES & DREAMS

Some promise you a wedding

Some help you with divorce

Some promise you a fortune

Spend a fortune on a course

Then we'll meet on the internet

I'll open my file, teach you to smile

Our happy song will make us strong.

You'll pay me. Do you want to bet? 

-ends-

I added questions for suspense. I ended on a positive note. I changed the rhyming scheme from aabb, too predictable, to abab.

I changed won't take long, rather a weak phrase containing two negatives, won't and take long, to make us strang which is more positive.

won't forget is also a negative, double negative. But ir rhymes with intenet.

Set an alarm to not forget, a piece of history, or advice for children and adults. Not right for a song. A celebratory song, a song of ups and downs.

I changed set an alarm to not forget, which is mundane, changed to afraid to forget, adding emotion.

I set alarms Must not forget.

I started this thinking of an internet romance.The plot morphed into a business relationship, or an educational relationship in which the pupil overtakes the teacher. It's really what you want it to be, all kinds of internet relationships everywherer all day long.