A Happy Bird Is Singing comical poem 605 by Angela Lansbury

 

Happy bird singing. Photo by Angela Lansbury of her own drawing, by pen name  'Angella'. Copyright.

A happy bird is singing now

But it's not singing to itself

It's boasting to a pretty bird

I've got great wealth. I''m in good health

Join me in this perfect garden

Apples and food for a lifetime

Plenty to share without a care

But caution, darling, is no crime

Last week I spied a prowling cat

At once I flew high in the sky

If you hear my warning warble

Fly straight off - don't stop to ask why

Even the prettiest garden

On some days attracts a black cat

But today the sun is shining

So let's say no more about that

***

When I hear a bird singing

This sign reminds me what to do

To spread a little happiness

And share my newest tune with you.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite poems.

Also see my other posts, and blogg on Travel, Dress of the Day, Wine and Dine, and Songs and Songwriting.

Was it worth it?604

 

So many years ago

I let you go

So many years ago

You let me go

You found another

And so did I

You never knew

The times I cried

We've changed, like the weather

Now we're back together

You broke my heart

I broke your heart

So long apart

Was it worth it?

Some things are never meant to last

We were younger, 

No point in dwelling on the past

We were younger

Life is much better

Now we're back together

Don't let's waste time asking

Was it worth it?

-ends-

What you see is what you get 603

 I know you've had some troubles

You're trying to forget

Poeple who told you lies

But they're not like you and I

What you see is what you get

Do you know who you can trust

You must believe me, yes, you must

The past you must forget

Because I offer love, not lust

I have not misled you, yet

This won't be a one night stand

This is not a one hit band

Just come here and hold my hand

I want you to understand

What you see is what you get.

-ends-

I want to get to know you 602

 

Conversation. Two sets of lips. Photo by Angela Lansbury of drawing by Angellla. Copyright.

I want to get to know  you

So that I can show you

Where we could go

Together

Together, together

That's all I wan to do

Be together with you

Ever since I saw you

I started to adore you

I want to get to know you

Through and through

If you get to know me

I hope that you will see

How good the world could be

Try me and you'll see

I know that you must wonder

Should we get together

Am I they or he or she

Am I really me?

Why don't you come and see

So let me get to know you

So that I can show you

Where we could go

Together.

-ends-

Modern songs seem to have simple conversational messages.

Romances comical poem by Angela Lansbury 601

 I met him on the internet

I wish I could forget

He asked me for money

At sums so high they're funny

My sister asked me honey

Does he have family or firneds?

He needs banks, fundraising nearer

I can see just how this ends

As a present for my birhtday

She booked a holiday

She took us to an island which

Was very far away

You could not get the internet

That was her idea

I said, but I'm going to lose him

She asked, why d'you have that fear?

While I was asleep one day

She told him to go away

Next day he sent lots of curse words

The worst - and ones I'd never heard

He said I'd wasted all his time

He wished me blind and dead

If he met me he would kill me

That's the best thing that he said

We went home and on the plane

I met a real live man

He laughed, and lived in my home town

We both became - mutual fans

Now we're getting married

I've recovered from the mess

I have a new, man and name

And a new address

So ladies, If you're lonely

Please search near your home

For someone who will take you out

So you won't stay home alone

For somebody whose not afraid

to meet family and friends

I hope that you'll do well like me

And have a happy end.

-ends-

Warning Signs & Sounds Of House Invasion comical poem number 600 by Angela Lansbury

They weren't properly protected

By their good health nor their paper wealth

When they left their window open

And it entered their home by stealth 

The thought it's good to breahe fresh air

But wikedness just does not care

The intruder made scary noise

First noise then silence warned of doom

In fear they tensed there's no escape

The threaat was inside their bedroom

A high sound whizzed right past their ear

Warned them that it was poised to strike

Unseen a sound they recognized

Which broke the calm of balmy night

When a sudden sound wakes you up

Even the must trusting soul knows

Tha ominous horrible whine

Of deadly landing mosuitos

They're in Thailand, your land, my land

USA, UK, an Aussie

Drops dengue and Malaria

Nobody wise loves a mossie

Warning, shut your bedroom window

Unless you've bought protective net

Before you turn on bedroom lights

Light beckons insects, don't forget

Some buy and apply repellent

Citronella, many brands, deet

Or install flyscrees on windows

Before wou and mosquitos meet

Just one can strike you anywhere

On fingers, legs, body and toes

So be prepared to fight them off

The near enemy's mosquitos.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite posts. See blogspot blogs on travel, poetry, dress of the day.

Books by Angela Lansbury are on Amazon.co, Amazon.com and Lulu.com with the name Angela Lansbury plus words such as poet, author, London, Singapore, Toastmasters, quotations, travel.

A Welcome Poem and Farewell Song, comical poem/song number 599 by Angela Lansbury

Welcome Poem / Song (by Angela Lansbury)

I used to be a poet, then

I thought I'd write a song

And reach out to more people. so

Please tell me I'm not wrong

Do you want to sing a chorus?

Do you like joining in?

Then join us for an hour or two

I promise you win-win.

***

Poem / Song To End First Half (by Angela Lasnbury)

If you don't learn anything

If you don't have a laugh

Don't give up and go to bed

You might like the second half

 ***

Poem / Song to End Second Half (by Angela Lansbury)

I'm glad to see around me

Some old friends and new friends

A sneaky look at watch or clock

Warns me we're near the end

Penultimate Poem/Song to End Second Half Before Encore (by Angela Lansbury)

Alas there's always somebody collecting for a cause

But all that I'm collecting is a big round of applause

So if you want to hear some more

Just one more, simply shout, Encore!

***

Farewell Poem /Song by Angela Lansbury

Some performers give you laughter

Some sad ones tell of tears

The weird ones reveal their worst fears

Hear more, bring yours next year, 

Tell friends who'll wish they'd been here

See you next year, my dear

Tell all your friends to come next year

See you next year, my dear.

Don't shout encore, youve had some more

We're off to sit down, bring us drinks

Or go to bed, for forty winks

Lead those who snore - to exit doors!\

Thanks

Thank you, see you next year, my dear

Thank them, see you next year, my dear.

Thank you, see you next year, my dear

Thank them, see you next year, my dear.

-ends-

I've just made two great improvements to my most recent poem or song and I hope all my work from now on. This might help you to appreciate poems and songs and if you ever want to write your own or help a child with homework.

Read Poems

1 One improvement is taking advice I saw on the internet. Read your poem aloud, 

Sing Songs

or sing it to hear the rhythm. Writers of poetry are familiar with the concept of Iambic. 

Read, Recognize And Write Iambic

Say I am and you see that the emphasis is on the second syllable. I am. The end. The opposite is trochee, emphasis on the first syllable. Welcome. Happy. Morning.

Read aloud the first line and you isntantly see if it starts with emphasis on the first or second syllable. The next line has to be the same. If it isn't, you either add a little word such as an iambic the, or a trochee, yes. To brighten and tighten you normally eliminate filler words like a, the, an, and, but, when, then. However, filler words are useful while you are doing your draft to get the rhythm. You can keep the basic construction, to make it easy to say or sing, and to remember. Or change it for more variety. 

A standard song is three verses, three minutes, a chorus, which every body remembers because it is reapeated, at the started, twice between verses, at the end. You hear the chorus 

Read and Write Ballad Form

 If you start to tell a story with multiple verses, you end up with a ballad. It takes longer. It is more suitable for a performance by a solo artist with a guitar, or piano accompaniment. I recall doing standup comedy in a tennis club. People at the front would talk to each other. At the back people got up to order at the bar and talked to each other. How do you keep the audience involved. You keep the aidoemce invoved with the an opening song with a chorus, by asking questions, and getting audience involvement, and the audience anserw will always be different and a surprise, sometimes challenging. In a song you can ask a rhetorical question. 

You can end with no answer, or a metaphor, such as the well known song phrase, the answer is bloing in the wind. 

You can take a cliche, or create one, by asking  a profound question and giving an everyday answer. 

Please share links to your favourite posts. I have blogs on blogspot on travel, comical poety by Hazel Nutter and Dress of the day angela, with new posts daily, and old and intermittent posts on other blogs. I am the author of about twenty books, in and out of print, new and second hand, and ebooks. 

Books by Angela Lansbury are on Amzon.com Amaxon.co.uk and Lulu.com. I am not related to the actress of the same name and LinkedIn has several Angela Lansbury entries and so does face book. Add the search words author, poetry, quotations, wedding speeches, travel, toastmasters, London, Singapore, until you recognze my face. 

Romeo & Juliet Met on the Internet 598 - thoughts on songwriting

 Version 

Modern Romance

She told me secrets. how they met

I don't think their families knew

On a dating site, the internet

I'm sharing this secret with you

There Romeo met Juliet 

He sent red hearts, meet on blue zoom

She stopped swiping others right, left

 Decorated her jungle room

She  washed and perfumed her long, soft hair

Poured a whisky glass of  - water

Tossed dice to decide what to wear

Listened to jokes and canned laughter

Doubts

Two strangers had a fraught moment

A moment of caution and doubt

He checked on her, she checked on him 

They found out it all checked out

A PR seller is never a fool

He asked her, 'Are you ready?

Are you prepared to follow rules?'

She smiled and said, let's go steady  

A great a fairy tale will begin

She's a graceful model and tall

He's tall, dark, handsome, so win-win 

It looked like they both had it all

The wedding' booked on an island

They've chosen the dress and song

The small flower girl's excited

What could go wrong?. His doubts were strong.

'Friends, our wedding has been cancelled .."

'We're sorry, what a dreadful mess

Flights can't be cancelled. Hotels, too

The worst distress is losing you.'

Feedback And Verdict

He worked hard, years, building his house

And he would never give it up

Was it too late. too last minute 

To present her with a pre-nup?

I guessed what the contract had said

'The house stays mine, but you'll be fine'?

You could see she wasn't happy

She asked, "What if I won't sign?"

His sister can't give him advice

Although she has been married twice

The one she ignored long ago

Turned up again to be her beau.

I pray one day, in summy weather

Maybe after years apart

Two lost loves will get back together

And vow, this time theyll never part

Second time round, we'll never part.

-ends-

Standard Song With Chorus

A standard song is three verses, three minutes, a chorus, which every body remembers because it is reapeated, at the started, twice between verses, at the end. You hear the chorus 

Two Cancelled Weddings

I recall a cancelled wedding of a second cousin when I was a teenager. 

I finally wrote the poem about a cancelled wedding in 2025, reminded of that by hearing of a cancelled wedding in an in-laws' family. However, many of the factors are universal, over time in different countries. 

Modern Romance & Weddings

Nowadays, meeting on the internet, prenups. 

My mother was a war, WW2, widow. So I am the child of her second husband. 

Nowadays, instead of war widows, a more comon scenario is a divorced partner, a second marriage, one partner already having a house which they don't want to lose, having a pre-nup.  If you start to tell a story with multiple verses, you end up with a ballad. It takes longer. It is more suitable for a performance by a solo artist with a guitar, or piano accompaniment.

Tennis Club Trouble - Lesson Learned

 I recall doing standup comedy in a tennis club. People at the front would talk to each other. At the back people got up to order at the bar and talked to each other. 

Asking The Audience Questions

How do you keep the audience involved? You keep the aidoemce involved with the an opening song with a chorus, by asking questions, and getting audience involvement.

The audience ansers will always be different. Sometimes a surprise. Sometimes challenging. 

In a song you can ask a rhetorical question.  'Where have all the flowers gone?' You can end the song with no answer, or a metaphor, such as the well known song phrase, 'the answer is blowing in the wind'. You can take a cliche, or create one, by asking a profound, serious question, but giving an everyday answer. / 

We Happily Met On the Internet Then He Asked Me For Too Much Money (part 2) 597 comic poem/song - how I revised my song

 Version 2 comical poem by Angela Lansbury

I met you on the internet

You sent a link, to meet on zoom

I set alarms, must not forget

 Frantic, tidy my messy room

I'd well prepared washed my long hair

I found short jokes, cut canned laughter

Threw dice to choose ten tops to wear?

Poured a whisky glass of  - water

Background Checks

Two strangers had a bad moment

A sensible moment of doubt

I checked on you on - everywhere

I hoped you, too, had checked me out

PR &SALES

In PR and sales, you're no fool

You asked me, 'Are you ready?

'Are you prepared to follow rules?''

'Happy, solvent, thrifty, steady  

TEACHERS

I knew mentors ask for money

It's what good teachers deserve

You must pay more for good honey

 I said, 'No, Wait.' I'd lost my nerve

PRICES

It seems a very large amount

So I'm waiting for a discount

I wait to hear tips as you speak

And ask how much it costs per week

Maybe one day I shall return

If money fell from heaven

For what you teach and I could learn

At sale prices like Seven Eleven

 SALES OPTIMIST

Once you have given your sales pitch

Don't despair, you're not in the ditch

Although a slow sale is a hitch

Just one in ten can make you rich

Maybe today they got the sack

Just wait til they are on the track

If you can offer what they lack

Maybe one day, one will come back

***

PROMISES & DREAMS

Some promise you a wedding

Some help you with divorce

Some promise you a fortune

Spend a fortune on a course

Then we'll meet on the internet

I'll open my file, teach you to smile

Our happy song will make us strong.

You'll pay me. Do you want to bet? 

-ends-

I added questions for suspense. I ended on a positive note. I changed the rhyming scheme from aabb, too predictable, to abab.

I changed won't take long, rather a weak phrase containing two negatives, won't and take long, to make us strang which is more positive.

won't forget is also a negative, double negative. But ir rhymes with intenet.

Set an alarm to not forget, a piece of history, or advice for children and adults. Not right for a song. A celebratory song, a song of ups and downs.

I changed set an alarm to not forget, which is mundane, changed to afraid to forget, adding emotion.

I set alarms Must not forget.

I started this thinking of an internet romance.The plot morphed into a business relationship, or an educational relationship in which the pupil overtakes the teacher. It's really what you want it to be, all kinds of internet relationships everywherer all day long.

Meet Me On The Internet comical poem 596 version 1 by Angela Lansbury

Version 1

Joyful Meeting

Meet me on the internet

Set an alarm you can't forget

We have a link, we'll meet on zoom

 I've tidied up my messy room

I've chosen my best clothes to wear

I cleaned my teeth and washed my hair

Recorded jokes and canned laughter

Filled a whisky glass with  - water

You know I'm not a lazy fool

And I'm prepared to follow rules

All my friends say that I'm steady 

You asked me to say I'm ready 

But you must have had bad moments

Some sensible moment of doubt\

When you checked on me everywhere

I bet you've thoroughly checked out

You're sure that you won't come to harm

So you have set up an alarm

To wake you at the crack of dawn

Waiting for new thoughts to be born

You know that we can set things right

And that's why you'll sleep well tonight

After years of struggle, sorrow

We'll make a new start tomorrow

Was it just a scam or scary con?

Like others you have checked me out

 Just meet me on the internet

For a meeting you won't forget.

-ends-

https://comicpoemsbynutter.blogspot.com/2025/06/meet-me-on-internet.html

I have at last found and formulated a standard style of my poems, octameters, eight syllables.

The rhyming scheme is usually aabb, two rhying couplets.

Please share links to your favourite poems. My books are on Amazon. com (and Amazon.uk) and Lulu.com

You're My Honey Bee comical poem 595 by Angela Lansbury

Bee and honeycomb. Wiki article on bees.

  I heard a little buzzing bee

And that reminded me of me

When you are buzzing at my door

And then I thought and thought some more

I saw a little honey bee

And that's like you, calling on me

I'm your honey and you're my bee

And that's the way it's meant to be

But then a saw a flying fly

Annoying me as it flew by

I thought of us and wondered why

I think of you and doubt and sigh

I wonder if you'll fly away

And leave me all alone one day

I've thoughts which I don't like to say

I want to have a happy day

I heard you buzzing at my door

I thought my happy thoughts once more

As all who know us, say they see

We look just like two honey bees

Honey makes treats sweet to eat

I'll give you honey when we meet.

I think you're wise, You think I'm funny

I like your eyes, I am your honey

We are just like two honey bees

The perfect pair, just you and me.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite posts.

My books are on lulu.com and amazon.com

Check Angela Lansbury poet quote best man 

Chair and Table Travels 594

We've chills, and sickness

So we can't go out

Yet sit at our desks

Fingers dance about

Relax in your chair

And travel today

Plan, wonder, enjoy 

See sights far away

Silver screen's home page

Like magic potions

Shows rivers and seas

Gigantic oceans

Flower in Front Garden. Hillview Road. Hatch End. London. England. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Posies in vases

Flowers in florists

Gardens and orchards

Trees in fine forests

Mended vase in Singapore. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Airports and trolleys

Sleeping, reclined seats

Cliff overlooks, valleys

Strange people you meet

Squirrels and eagles

Donkeys, old men, carts

Cities with big shops

Hats, dresses with hearts

Best cut mosquitos

Escapes, near drowning

Fires and bad liars

Anyone frwning

If I make mistakes

See too much sorrow

Never mind, we'll be

Better tomorrow.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite posts.

My books are on Amazon.com and Lulu.com under Angela Lansbury and

Bird Songs, Cats And Dreams comical poem 593 by Angela Lasnbury

Why do I hear a bird chirping

When outtside, and in, it's still dark

That bird transforms our small garden

Into a great safari park

I ought to buy binoculars

And cameras with night vision

Until it's caught on camera

Big cat reports cause derision

I dream I'll run a business

Printing tickets, selling honey

Drive visitors on a lawnmower

Making a lots of easy money

At four a.m. I hear bird song

I relax, happiness abounds

I ought to sleep, sleep rights all wrongs

I promise shortly I'll lie down

My happiness would be complete

If I could eat and not grow fat

Hear bird song all day, all around

And never see black lurking cats

But joyful bird song's so cheerful

It proudly spreads its joy around

I wish earlier I'd not seen

A feather lying on the ground

Feather in garden. Photo by Angela Lansbury.  Copyright. 

Why do we love the fox and cat?

 Here's a fact you can rely on

Nervous, kind folk will fear for deer

Whilst stoics shrug, cheer the lion.

'Don't interfere, let nature be,'

My ruthless husband said to me

It's easier to nod, agree

And wear leather, feathers, drink milk

I wonder what that bird is singing?

Mourning morning rain, fearing black cats

'Let most live, love, fly away

When one's lost, don't think, speak of that!'

Each day some die, others are born

My job's to bring the world great joy

Enjoy each minute that you have

Each precious bird, cat, girl and boy

So, when you can, enjoy your rest

With confidence face every test

Each day given shares some heaven

In each cloud, sun, day, see the best

Enjoy the rain, enjoy the sun

Think of the smile, think of the fun

Then when your happy day is done

Be glad of all the good you've won.

-ends-.

Please share links to your favourite poems.

Angela Lansbury's books of poems, collections of quotations and other books, are on Lulu.com, Amazon.com and amazon.co.uk

Ready For The Fun Fiesta comical poem 592 by Angela Lansbury

 After the restful siesta

We're fired up for the fiesta

We've been rehearsing half the year

Our cutest kids and pets wait here\

The joyful crowds are gathering

The drum parade's just beginning

All the happy bells are ringing

All harmonious choirs singing

Bells.  Photo by Angela Lansbury.  Copyright. 

Follow the leader's loud commands

TV tracks and zooms on marching bands

See national dress from many lands

Smiling faces and waving hands

Hear tinkling bells sewn on my clothes

See my silver hoop ear-rings, and painted nose

Some haven't got a thing to wear

Except strings of flowers, in long fake hair

But they've big bouquets and tiny posies

Hide behind sunflowers and roses

Huge green fans of peacock feathers

Twirl parasols for sun and all weathers

The finest lace and feathers we wear

And ribbons in golden and black hair

Hear bells on coats and bells on hats

And collars of the cows and cats

Bells on the skirts, bells on the shirts

One little bell fell in the dirt

A bugle played SOS alert

I picked it up, no-one was hurt

Watchers linked arms in a Mexican waves

Old time pirates, Red Indian braves

We've dolls, bears, goats and boats with horms

Friendly fairies, witches, unicorns

We pranced and danced around the square

I've lots of videos to share

And some I won't because I care

You kmow why only if you were there!

***

At the end of the lovely day

As reality fades away

Morris dancers with white hats tell 

Of dancing dogs and cats with bells.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite poems.

I woke from an afternoon nap, daydreaming about dancing cats with bells, and Morris dancers. As I wrote the poem it turned into a reminiscence about carnivals in London, Rio and Venice, and the USA, New Year's Day parades and and parades all over the world.

Precious Perfume comical poem 591 by Angela Lansbury

 What are the words describing smell?

Perfume, aroma, smell, poo, stink 

 I can tell I'll describe each well

Just sniff a flower, need not think

Roses in pale pink and drak pink. Photo by Angela Lansburyl Copyright.

I love herbs, I cut rosemary

Mint grows green along the border

The catalogues are temping me

Not dried herbs, new plants to order

But better still, describe each rose

The way you sniff, breathe in and out

The colour, pink, soothes, wrinkling nose

It's sweet, and deep. Fridge food brings doubt

Is this milk off? It's sour, not right

There's something bad about this smell

I ought to get my money back

If they refuse, I'm going to fight!

That house is musty, smells of mould

With spider's webs, rubbish, decay

It's dusty, dirty, very old

Don't buy it. Let's go away

Why's the baby loudly crying?\

It smells odd, so no-one's happy

It s just fed well, it's not dying

It smiles, smells sweet, a new nappy

At airports skip happily round

Testers, try musk, whisky, honey

I breathe in - exhilarating!

And so it should be, for that money

My friend has bought a case of smells

It seems a waste of money

I could create the smae thing from

My fridge, mustard, garlic, honey

With spray I can pefume my room

With lavender, rose or lemon

Freshly cooked bread is welcoming

Smells and tastes of earthly heaven.

-ends-

When buying roses for our front garden, I did not use a catalogue. I went to a garden centre to sniff the roses. I did not want to buy roses which look good with no aroma. Some catalogues will tell you which roses have an aroma. However, if you have the opportunity, its's better to buy one which you know smells great.

A Short Sonnet comical poem 590 by Angela Lansbury

 

I write a poem every day

Hundreds of poems in a year

More thoughts, the verses race away

More pages, more to print - and pay!

Good speakers don't go over times

They plan their speech and watch the clock

Poets can't keep on adding rhymes

Fit each verse inside a text box

William Shakespeare, whose works include Shakespearean sonnets.

How can I make my poem fit?

Like Shakespeare's, neatly on a page?

A sonnet! For five minutes sit

And make that pattern my thought's stage

Three verses, a final couplet

Simple, anyone can do it.

Tall, Thin Tree, Small Me comical poem 589 by Angela Lansbury

 I often wonder why a tree

Has grown so much taller than me

They lost DNA design tall

So labelled my box, born size small!

I see the gardener with a strimmer

Works to make big trees grow thinner

I can't be cut by the strimmer

I shall have to eat less dinner.

I have a mind, and will, and soul

If being thin is my next goal

Less is more, half makes me feel whole

I do not need to take a poll

The moral is move more, eat less

So I can wear a fitted dress

Right now my dress is a disguise

To hide the pies with lines and lies

The tree is held up by strong roots

My ankles hide in big, wide boots

Wide shoulders, bat wings, business suits

I drink Chapagne, admiring flutes

I'll know the last thing I must do

Stand by the tree and smile at you

When I change shape, now let's begin

And like that tree look tall and slim

However much my kind friends lie

The truthful mirror tells no lie

My bigger clothes fit me again

Shocked people give me seats on trains

My huband will not let me wait

.He says that it's never too late

He's master of my fate and plate

For tea I just ate half a date

Now all is well as you can see

The whole, wide, wild world's nudging me

I'm not shamed by that tall, pine tree

But, like the palm, it's helping me.

-ends-

My Prolific Apple Tree Income comical poem 586 by Angela Lansbury

Spreading apple tree. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

I have a spreading apple tree

It's June, and early in the year

How many apples do I see?

Too few, or many, that's my fear

Some years, like last year, were a dearth

Frost killed buds, so fruit? Not any

Some years, apples have worms, bird holes 

Wasps, mush on the ground, too many

Now here's one thought which bothers me

With all those apples and those pips

Why don't I have orchards of trees?

Enough to fill ships sailing seas

I search my brain, I'm thinking back

We've acorns invading our lawn

Acorns, oak leaves, the pictures match

Maybe we've had apples out back

Apple pips might spread wide like seeds

And blow across the nearby street

And feed our entire land of birds

We dig up 'weeds',  no fruit to eat

I think those acorns are the clue

I can't see what's in front of me

I'm sure the answer's clear to you

I can't spot a small apple tree

So now my task is pick a leaf

And check the shape of the outline

And look on top and underneath

My observation will be fine

Leaves and early apples on apple tree,, June, UK. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

I'l be first to identify

If you need help, you'll come to me

I'll nod, and smile and show you why

Free apple trees, drop from the sky

For every year more trees are born

Annoying those who mow the lawn 

Who tear up weeds and planted seeds

As for research, must try harder

Some pips fall on the path, are worn

When one could plant pips in the beds

Some 'weeds' from flower beds are torn

When they should fill our mouths and heads

But I have learned amazing facts

From books, wine tastings, a new clue

You have to graft to get a twin

For fallen pips grow something new 

Now I have thought of what goes wrong

When we've so many pips, all free

I should be planting pips in pots

And sell novelty apple trees.

-ends-

People, Pets And Wildlife Which Make You Laugh comical poem number 585 by Angela Lansbury

 

What is the key to comedy

What is it makes you laugh?

Is it just the unexpected?

Like a cup moulded in half?

A stray cat waiting at your door

A

A giant hat on a bard

A toddler drops fruit on the floor

A giant pop-up birthday card

Is it a cat climbing curtains?

A grinning cyclist has a fall?

A walker who hits a lampost?

A fat cat falling off  wall?

A bird lurks and grabs your sandwich 

A row of ducks crossing a road

Holding up a giant lorry?

A rudely croaking, grinning toad?

An owner and dog look alike!

A silly item out of place

Or flowers growing in a bike

Or twins pulling a funny face?

Life's often sad and serious

That's why we like to have a laugh

The reason your glass looks half full

Is me. I drank the other half.

-end-

Please share links to your favourite poems and posts from this and my other blogs on blogspot. 

I have several books on poetry, quotations, wedding speeches, writing, and other subjects, in Lulu, Amazon, print on demand, in bookshops, ebooks or printed books which you can buy online or from me at meetings of Toastmasters International or the bookshop at Writers Summer School at Swanwick in the UK.

How To Wash And Clean, inspiring quick action guide - comical poem 584 by Angela Lansbury

 Comb. Wash. Dress. Wipe everything clean

Sink, taps, toilet. Hands, again. Face

My glasses; the computer screen

The plates, each neat, back in its place

Every time I make a good move

To clear the desk, or clean the floor

I find a lost glove, pen, coin, shoe

I'm rewarded! Keen to do more!

A good night's sleep - a re-born saint

Sweep the floor. Find needles! Pens. Pins

Sort coloured crayons, brush by paint.

Work makes up for yesterday's sins!

I exercise wrists, feet, neck, knees.

I'll file, or chuck out now-paid bills.

I label all important keys.

Throw, or return, outdated pills

I'll sort the rubbish, empty bins

I'll dress matched, so I look my best

When each room's done, the next begins.

I secretly sort others' mess!

List on fridge doors, which I can't lose

Leftovers make a quick dinner

Do up buttons, fold, pair odd shoes

Frame awards, show I'm a winner

I wonder what stopped me so long?

New system? No. Always knew it

Others must be stuck, tired, gone wrong

I'll inspire, show all can do it!

-ends-

I'm torn between ending, I'll tell the world, which amusingly reveals the smug, self-satisfied author, instructing others, and let's tell the world, which is inclusive and makes the reader and writer a team.

For editors, executors, feel free to read, remember, or print either version or both.

I changed the last couplet from There must be others tired, gone wrong, I'll show the world how they can do it.

Please share links to your favourite poems and posts from this and my other blogs on blogspot. 

I have several books on poetry, quotations, wedding speeches, writing, and other subjects, in Lulu, Amazon, print on demand, in bookshops, ebooks or printed books which you can buy online or from me at meetings of Toastmasters International or the bookshop at Writers Summer School at Swanwick in the UK.

Jolly Obituary For Daddy comical poem 583. by Angela Lansbury

Netta and Albert Lansbury. Wedding Photo. 1943. Copyright Angela Lansbury.

I had a long and happy life

I had a short but happy wife

She always did her best for me

I had a lot of cups of tea

I had a lot of holidays

You like home when you've been away

I never had the I'm bored blues

I watered plants, mended old shoes

Every day I went out walking

I'm deaf, my wife did the talking

I got too tired to go to town

So I played bridge, actively, sitting down

All lives endure some sun, some rain

I think of sun and don't complain

I wish that I had died at home

I'm sorry to leave you alone

Others complain their life was tough

'though mine was good, I've had enough

If one's life is like a train

No need to do it all again

I don't want reincarnation

My train's reached its destination

Live in or let or sell my home

I won't know what's on my tombstone

I watched my diet, took my pills

A month is too long to be ill

I've done the washing, paid the bills

And everything is in my will

I've told you eveything I know

And so it's time to let me go

I had a short but happy wife

I had a long and happy life.

-ends-

Sums up what my father said in hospital. A practical man. Opthalmic optician. Born 1912. Died 2005.

Please share links to your favurite posts, such as this one.

 

Remember, Remember, The Italian For Room Is Stanza comical poem 582 by Angela Lansbury

English has many words which rhyme and

So they're were easy to remember

For example, months September

November and last December

Maria's name rhymes with Rosa

They've more rhymes than us here

They went to the trattoria

For their carriera, career

They both saw a handsome waiter

But he was a double dater

With one either side on the tavolo

But could he pay for the trio?

Mario had no denario

Held in his small duo mano

So he could get no credito

To pay for the big bigletto

How do I recall that room is stanza

Poem parts, ottava rima

Think of them hearing Mario Lanza

Add pictures, that's a bonanza.

Mario played the piano

Maria played the piano

And Rosa played the piano

The trio put on a good show

Let's reverse it, stanaza's a room

A tiny womb, or a huge tomb

An Italian meeting room

An online room with faces on Zoom

Mario was a dilletante

But the favourite of his zio

Maria's Did owned the ristorante

And paid for them all, the hero

Let's end on a happy nota

They sang a joyful sonata

The segretaria wrote a lettera

All said let's do this ancora.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite poems

Why Does The Garden Grow? Comical poem 581 by Angela Lansbury

 Tell us, why does the garden grow

I though I knew, but now I know

To make sure the retired don't shirk

Give us, retired, gardeners work

Some turn to crochet, knitting, beads

While others race to pull out weeks

We keenly watch for cuttings, seeds

Give sweet pea plants the drink each needs

Although we're told all bad things pass

We stick up signs, Keep off the grass

We build wind chimes to make kids laugh

Then sternly warn, stay on the path

When winter's gone, or summer's through

Find new essential things to do

Like cleaning moss from plants and stairs

And do repairs to musical chairs

A fallen fence, a crumbling wall

Busy God cannot do it all

He sends the rain but then will moan

'Just do the rest, folks - on your own!'

We check if posted vines survive

And if not thrive, just stay alive

To tell the truth, I don't tell lies

Most plants I see are a surprise

And though our old apple tree's rotten

We find forget-me-nots forgotten

See treats for eyes, my soul, your nose

Wild, keenly climbing, short-lived rose.

Grasshopper on orange rose, Hatch End, London, England. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite poems in the posts on my blogs.

The Cancelled Wedding comical poem 580 by Angela Lansbury

 Some people think that a wedding

Is such an im-poor-tant thing 

You need a year to change your mind

Brides, don't rush returning the ring

Jealous singles sigh, feeling need

Think the engaged lucky, indeed

'though many friends' dates' mouths to feed

Long wedding lists can look like greed

Pre-naptial contracts spring surprise

Fear defence aginst cheating, lies

Seems unfriendly in other's eyes

If both write rules, at least they tried

Then what happens if I don't sign?

Then worry stops. Joy's not doubled

What's yours is yours, what's mine is mine

Can we still remain a couple?

A cancelled wedding's bad, of course

Stay together, then there's no cost

But is it better than divorce?

If you part now, then all is lost

If you cancel the wedding and honeymoon

Guests cannot recover their costs so soon

Instead have an early vacation in June

A familiy reunion could be a boon

Best cancel sooner not later

I wish they'd settled weeks before

Nobody wants to make mistakes

Is this cause, result? Is there more?

Puzzled poor flower girl's asking, 'Where's aunty?

Will she be here for the big party?"

"Maybe postponed, 'til later this year

It'll it be the same, if replaced, my dear."

May these two get back together

Is this a bad sign, or a test?

Or else quickly find another

We hope all turns out for the best.

May the year end with joy, no tears

May this year end the perfect year

A perfect husband, a perfect wife

Both headed for a happy life.

***

I learned my parents' wedding stopped

For two days, just four days ahead

My widowed Dad said, (mum long dead)

Joined lifelong!  That lives in my head

-ends-

True story. I hope my grand-daughter gets to be a flower girl.

My parents wedding was cancelled because my father's mother warned him he'd always be second best if he married a widow. However, he cancelled the cancellation and they married during WW2.

Netta and Albert Lansbury, wedding. Photo coyright Angela Lansbury.

My parents' wartime wedding. My mother not wearing white. She was a widow, had lost her first husband who died in a plane over El Alamein.

Please share links to your favourite poems.

This Strange World comical poem 579 by Angela Lansbury

 

I sometimes think it's very strange

The way the world has been arranged

For everything that's been arranged

Another thing is disarranged

It's good that day will follow night

But also night will follow day

For everything that's wrong turns right

Then right goes wrong or runs away

White rose in my garden. Photo by Angela Lansbury. COPYRIGHT. 

The food that's hot will soon grow cold

People are born, the young grow old

Some always laugh, whilst others scold

It's always been that way, we're told

The sun will come to grow the seeds

Rain waters trees as well as weeds

The plant does not care who it feeds

But paints patterns like pretty beads

One rose is red, another white 

Each blooms then petals blow away

Yet every day brings new delight

New perfume blows old cares away.

-ends-

Please bookmark and share links to your favourite poems.

Poetry Workshop Workbook by Angela Lansbury. From Lulu.com ebook for GBP 6.95. Contains funny poems and guides to writing your own.

The Tree I Planted comical poem number 578 by Angela Lansbury

 

Chocolate tree.

In the garden I plant a tree

Which has a longer life than me

I'm sure that you would like to know

Why we old folks stilI plant and sow

The truth, dear friends, who wonder why

Is I don't think that I will die

It's wishful thinking, yes, I know

But that is why all gardens grow

So every mad, bad, silly creed

Can promise gold foil for good deeds

'cause I can't grasp my train station

Is made by imagination

Thank goodness that pigs cannot fly

To join the clouds which paint the sky

You know that we don't outlive trees

Yet you'll still plant them. So do I.

Some are stupid and some are wise

Some write poems, some tell lies

But I am wise, the whole world knows

The tree I planted was a rose.

Orange rose in my garden. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

-ends-

Please bookmark and share links to your favourite poems.