Dear Little Children, Trust Me . Comic poem by Angela Lansbury number153

Children learn when you pinch toy rabbits they squeak

They live forever, without food, many weeks

You can shout at a toy, but it never speaks

We search the wide world, but don't know what we seek

All the world's dear little children

Think the clouds and the sky hide a heaven

And after we die - as we all might - one day

We all go to heaven, not the other way. 

And all the good parents

That's me, them - and you

Won't spoil adult kids' fun and say it's not true

For that would cause a most dreadful to do 

And all the nursery's soft, cuddly bears

Give the impression that bears have blank stares

And love to be cuddled

No scientist cares, nobody dares

Yet one day kids ask why

Birds fly through the sky

I can't explain the thunder and rain

Or how a young pilot can fly a large plane

So we all pretend til the day that we die

With hopes flying high

All adults are children, so don't ask why

We pretend, we believe, you can see through the sky.

-ends-

copyright Angela Lansbury Monday 2nd August 2022

This is your pilot speaking - again (Comic poem 133)

Boarding Announcement

Welcome, I'm your pilot speaking - again 

Expect thunder, lightning, snowstorms, and rain 

We're here to greet you with a friendly smile

Rules

Please - no praying, singing, dancing in the aisle.

Is this a real flight? They told me, rehearse 

Films show life stuck down mines could be worse  

We can't give free slippers, peanuts, nor wine

We sell unhealthy snacks. At midnight, land and dine 

Don't queue for toilets; the seats don't recline

Sit like masked robots; We'll get home on time

I'm sorry to say cheap seats don't have free socks 

But I'm glad to say the pilot's door locks

Safety

You'll be restrained, if you cause trouble, 

If anybody threatens you, run at the double

I'm looking at my checklist, what have I forgot? 

I'm practising speeches, the plane's on autopilot

On the runway, see, there's a herd of goats

We're blocked by some kind of demonstration

Fasten your seatbelt, I'll fly above them

They're for, or against, some other nation

And before this long-haul flight begins

Good luck to that pair I see trying for twins

Do what you are told, no ifs or buts

The only nuts are religious nuts

In flight so many depend on so few

Rugby team, security's all on you

Forget the pilot, we're in God's hand

Are you saints or sinners? We know if we land

You're lucky if you're by an empty seat

On planes you never know who you'll meet

When you want to chat and they want to sleep

When you're vegan and they're eating meat

Crew

I promise I'll try to get things right

Clap for the pilot. we're on his first flight

You'll be glad oxygen keeps you alive

I'm scared like you whether we'll all survive

In-Flight Announcements

My co-pilot has gone for a short rest

To comfort a stewardess in distress

You're with friends, drinking and laughing out loud

While I sit alone, and talk to the clouds

Just think about it and then you will see

There's hundreds of you but just one of me!

Ooh - aah oo  aah

Aside

Oops, dear me, Lordy, what on earth's gone wrong?

I watched porn - and left the microphone on.

Emergency Announcement

I'm ever so sorry, we have to turn back

I just found out there's something we lack

My co-pilot hasn't completed his training

Look on the bright side, it isn't raining.

While we look for a co-pilot you'll have to wait

You will start your holiday three hours late

Look on the bright side, we're all still alive

Some days the good news is we have survived. 

-ends

The last two verses were added 5 May 2022 after I read the news item about the Virgin Flight which had to return, according to the Daily Mail.

Useful websites

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10784111/Virgin-jet-forced-return-Heathrow-officer-not-completed-training.html?ns_mchannel=rss&ico=taboola_feed_article&ns_mchannel=rss&ico=taboola_feed

2022 April 20

https://www.independent.co.uk/travel/news-and-advice/christians-easyjet-flight-sing-guitar-b2061382.html

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Your Pilot Speaking

(See explanation and background to this poem on my travel blog.) To be performed wearing a cap with gold buttons. Your Pilot Speaking by Angela Lansbury

 "This is your co-pilot speaking
I promise we're leaving on time
I know you feel like you're dying
Just breathe deeply, and you'll be fine ..."

"This is your co-pilot speaking
I'm sorry about the delay
If you look out of the windows
You'll see goat herds on the runway

"We don't usually tell you
When we see a snake on the plane
I lift my feet in the cockpit
Calmly sigh, 'Oh no - not again!'

"Whilst I am waiting for the vet
I announce, 'We're waiting for parts ...'
I send for vets - and two doctors
Mine quickly checks my waltzing heart!

"We know you've paid lots of money
We pretend complaints don't cause stress
Altitude makes food taste funny
Crew clean toilets, they do their best

"I hope you enjoy a pleasant flight
A safe journey, a lovely day
Remember whilst you have a holiday
We're working, driving, smiling, all day."

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury April 21 2017 Sorry, readers - I typed this out as verse but it appears on the page you read without the breaks because somewhere I have clicked on showing the HTML which means I have to insert the instructions for line breaks. One day, when I've sorted this out, I shall go back and check and change every post. Meanwhile I have to rush off to meetings.

This Is Your Pilot Speaking

This Is Your Pilot Speaking

 Song about a Poor Airline* 

by Angela Lansbury 

 “This is your pilot, 

I’m speaking to say 

You’re welcome aboard 

Our Happy Airlines 

Don’t be afraid on runway nor skyway 

Films show life’s worse 

Stuck down Chilean mines* 

 Copyright Angela Lansbury 2016 I typed this out with line breaks but the blog post system has kindly corrected it thinking I inserted line breaks by accident. If I knew HTML (which is not difficult) I might be able to re-load with proper line breaks. To remind myself, and inform you, dear reader, the HTML (hyper text mark up language?) is simple. It inserts ordinary English language instructions such as insert paragraph or insert line break followed inside a special bracket to show that is not part of the text but a layout instruction. I shall do that next time.

 However, even poets have lives to live apart from writing and reading poetry. So I must go away. I'll try to fix this next time I write a post.

About the author

Angela Lansbury B A Hons ACG ALB PM5 EH5 DL5 VC5 
The Author of several books, including  Etiquette For Every Occasion. Wedding Speeches & Toasts. How to be the Best Man. Quick Quotations. Who Said What When.

Blogs travelwithangelalansbury.blogspot.com

dressofthedayangela.blogspot.com

translateforfun.blogspot.com

Braddell Heights Advanced Toastmasters Speakers Club Vice President Public Relations (VPPR), Previous President

Join BHA 1st Wednesday 7pm and 3rd Saturday 2 pm Singapore time

 

Vice President Public Relations (VP PR) of Tampines Changkat Advanced;

Secretary of weekly online Singapore International Dynamic Toastmasters Speakers’ Club;

Member and past president of Harrovians toastmasters club, UK; Past member of HOD Toastmasters, London. Past member in Singapore of: Toastmasters Club of Singapore (TCS); Tiarel; and Senja Cashew.

More details from Toastmasters International find a club.

Regular attendee at annual Swanwick Writers’ School, England.

Regular attendee at annual Writers’ Holiday, Wales.

Contributor to poetry readings, and after tea courses on: Speaking On Radio To Promote Books; and Plots And Character.

Winner of many club and area speaking contests in the UK and Singapore.

Language advisor to Empire Toastmasters club in Indonesia.

Language and speech workshops in Singapore.

Speaker on radio and TV in England, Scotland, the USA, and Australia.

Compiler of a school course on public speaking for teachers to prepare pupils for school open days with attending ceremonies before government ministers, Singapore.

Former member of Harrow Writers’ Circle, London, and two writing groups in Singapore.

Angela is on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Twitter. She would be delighted to link up with new friends.

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