Poem Catching a Cockroach by Angela Lansbury

I was emptying my gmail when I found a poem I had emailed to a friend.

1104 The Cockroach and A Woman’s Reaction

by Angela Lansbury

Regarding my no bread diet

Kitchen and bathroom scales kept quiet

Therefore I don't think I deserve

Such strong tests of resolve and nerve

I thought that I’d been very good

Someone anticipates a sin

So sent a subtle keep out sign

A cockroach in my kitchen bin

Alone, I’d deal with it, I’m sure

I’d stun it with a killer spray

Or else I’d simply lock the door

Shout, ‘Go away!’ go out all day 

Once when cornered by a spider

I called a passer-by, a man

Could not wait for my ex with specs

Impatient - that’s the way I am.

I am a typical woman

And if I were caught on a cam

I like men but hate cockroaches

Predictable, why, yes, I am.

Who needs a porsche or MBA

Just be here at the close of day

And be calm, not fazed, when I say

Cockroach - in bin - take it away!

You do not need a diamond ring

You do not need to strum or sing

I no longer need a life coach

Just get rid of that big cockroach

I'll call a passer-by or ex

You do not need to wear a suit

It helps if you are wearing boots

I'll give you coffee, money, sex

It’s the moment which strengthens love

The moment when you prove yourself

More important than health or wealth

The macho broom, bin, plastic glove.

The missus won’t greet with kisses

She’s staring at the kitchen floor

But you’re the strong man she adores

You’re always welcome at her door.

-ends-

copyright Angela Lansbury 2017