Friday, November 29, 2024

Talk About A Knife & Fork comic poem number 489 by Angela Lansbury


Don't be afraid of long menus

Or young waiters, arrive early

Ask for their help, make them feel good

They'll smile, chat, show teeth pearly


To those used to using chopsticks

Knives and forks are confusing cutlery 

Everyday layouts won't confuse the Brits

But silver service is a mystery


Each country has its own good rule

But it needs communication

To diners and new waiters

To avoid lots of confusion


 Let's talk about a knife and fork

The knife is on the right

The fork is on the left

The soup spoon's first, far right


Why is the knife on the right?

Easy to understand

Before forks were invented

Knives were gripped by your cutting, (fighting!) hand


Soup Course And Plate

The British eat warming soup first

(The Chinese eat soup last)

Soup spilt in laps mishaps the worst

Tilt plate away, danger is passed


Knife & Fork Position

You start from the outside.

Placed A-shape on plates is silent talk

Still eating, paused, might finish soon.

Next, the soup spoon and the tea spoon



Soup Spoons

A dessert spoon's large and oval

A soup spoon's deep and round

For both clear broth and thick soup

Don't slurp but sip without a sound 


Spoon sizes

Yes, the English soup spoon's bowl is round

In Europe that's unknown

Dessert spoon oval, tea spoon small

Coffee spoon smaller, should be shown 



The serving waiter's on diner's right

Another's clearing from the left

All silently, like ghosts out of sight

Waiting at distance, watching, deft


When you finish in England

Knife and fork together, upwards, on the plate

Silently says, 'Waiter, clear now 

We do not wish to wait!'


A chocolate comes with the bill

We hope that bill won't break our banks

Waiters smile, lead to the door

'Please come again,' bow, smiling thanks.

-ends-

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