You Are Not Alone comical poem number 720 by Angela Lansbury

Mobile phone. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

You are never alone if you have a phone

The family know you're out or at home

Laughing or griping, whatsapp sees typing

You're in the soup if you share with a group

When it's dark and cold and you stay in bed

Google can guess what is inside your head

You may feel fraught over what you have bought

More ads pop up, your food, drink and pets caught

If this surveillance drives you round the bend

Sometimes good surprises can make amends

AI can tell us how this poem ends

While we block enemies and follow friends.

-ends-

Hard Times For Rhymes. Comical poem 719 by Angela Lansbury.

 

Angela Lansbury with large pencil and notebook. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Some people give you a hard time

For using well-known, well used rhymes

I can't do new things all the time

Do they want words, cliches - or mime?

Others complain that you're too proud

You laugh too loud or shout too loud

Yes, I am proud and I'm unbowed

I refuse to be down and cowed

Let's celebrate phrases we know

First used by Shakespeare long ago

I'll give you yours, forgive me mine

Win guessing games with well-known rhymes.

-ends-

I think that was a record for the time of writing a poem. Twenty minutes for the poem. I thought of a subject and a title. Twenty minutes. Three verses. 12 lines. 12 rhymes. checked each line had eight syllables. Added the labels. Checked the number of the poem. Wrote this comment.

Another ten minutes for  -

Added the appeal. Turned on Italics. 

Found a photo - copied from another poem.

Added a reference to my books of poetry

such as Poetry Pets & Pests

Poetry Workbook

 and my latest book, Embarrassing Moments, which is on Amazon, at a bargain price of well under ten pounds

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Are You Well? comical poem number 718 by Angela Lansbury

Seven day pill box. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

'Dear, are you well?' It's hard to tell

Because I'm now old as the hills.

I must be ill. I take six pills.

I'm glad that I don't foot the bill

These pills are designed to protect

They do the job, yet one suspects -

More rashes, lumps and swollen necks

Alas, pills all have side effects

Each day pills taken heads the page

Each decade I reach a new stage

Chair yoga now is all the rage

I'm well, for someone of my age

When young, I would read long novels

Learning from others' active lives 

Now instead I read long leaflets

Which help me, I hope, to survive

I read and write a lot of wills

I read and pay a lot of bills

I climb chairs, not stairs and hills

Still read a lot - about my pills.

For my age I'm very healthy

From hypochondria not free

Teens take vitamins A to E

They multi-worry, just like me.

-ends-

Depicting others' lively lives 

was changed to learning from others' active lives.

Where is the humour here? I have tried to analyse the implications. For example, a lot of wills, could be others dying all around me, or indecisiveness meaning I keep re writing my will, which also implies I don't think I am well but I or others think I am dying and should make or revise a will.

It's a light hearted look at taking pills. 

The young also take a lot more pills than I did when I was younger.

We now take pills for everything, to stay healthy as well as vitamin pills.

I brought in an extra verse at the end about teens, and vitamin pills, to expand poem's audience.

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If Only Food Were Salesmen 717 comical poem by Angela Lansbury

Hot crumpet with melting butter. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

 If only food could sell itself 

I wonder what my food would say?

I'm an orange,  juicy fresh peach

Dark chocolate brightens your day

I'm the reddest ripe tomato

I'm horseradish white as the moon

Avocado, baked potato

I was a plum, I'm now a prune

I'm the best almond marzipan

I'm pistachio baklava

I'm the frozen roll-out pastry

Make pies and tarts, no palaver

I'm the bulbous, blackest berries

I'm green crisp apples on long stalks

I'm the reddest, sweetest cherries

Grape vines climbing, they walk, don't talk

I'm grainy, tasty French mustard

Currant buns, muffins mothers make

I'm pudding with pooling custard

I'm tasty, iced, fruit birthday cake.

I'm the coffee served with thick cream

I'm pretty pictures drawn in foam

Lick the plate, then eat After Eight

Freedom plus fine flavours at home.

-ends-

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Candid Comments On A Writer's Job comical verse 716 by Angela Lansbury

 

Angela writing with giant pencil. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright!

A writer's job is simple, to write

White lies, turning black to white

Praising each day's bright light

Concealing that it's dark at night

Make happy days from gloomy nights

Never mention that granny died

Or daughter commits suicide

Again, and gives us all a fright

A poet sometimes has to choose

Whether to give honest reviews

Propaganda of the news

Grinning greens, or the old blues

I tell the children how I used to laugh

The good things even short life bring

No need to tell the other half

Hide newspapers in armchair wings 

And make sure toddlers never meet

A tantrum toddler who's not sweet

Nor anyone who moans and groans

Keep them outside your mind, pens, homes 

And when revising don't forget

Your older readers love their pet

Grow forgetful, cross and fretful

When they're ill, don't pay their bills

Restaurants ask us for a task

On Tripadvisor, please hate us

Is it my eyes or they've not checked

Italics typo means rate us

Tempting to say, yes, we'll rate you

Very subtly hint we hate you

Spelling police, angry letter

Changed to say, friends, please do better

Candid comments, when times are fraught

Talleyrand said, as my Mum taught

Words are there to hide your bad thoughts

Make sure your first thoughts are not caught.

-ends-

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The Link In The Chain comical poem 715 by Angela Lansbury

Boat on water picture in candle. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

 Somewhere in the mists of time

Life emerged from human cells

Humans were born with free will

Made life on earth heaven or hell

I remember Noah's ark

When the river floods my park

Old books give the antidote

Put pets in the biggest boat

Moses crossed sea and dry sands

Gave us decimal commands

Led his people forty years

Glimpsed an elusive promised land

Rashi wrote a secret script

But his words sound wise today

The efforts put in divorce

Instead could make spouses gay

After poor dead Jesus rose

Priests ate pork, wore fine clothes

Prayed to his Virgin mother

Then proudly killed each other

Maimonides wrote a guide

Told the puzzled what to do

Wrote great tomes in Arabic

Famous to Arab and Jew

I'm one small cog, not much done

Had a child, but only one

Those to come won't know my name

Yet I link life's long, strong chain.

-ends-

Gay in its meaning in Rachi's era, happy.

Maimonides wrote the Guide For The Perplexed.

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Dreams comical poem 714 by Angela Lansbury

 

Eyemasks for sleep, black, for forgotten blank, dark or mysterious dreams, romantic red with a heart design, and light-hearted small black polka dots on a pink background. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

I don't need a bedtime story

When I shut my eyes in my bed

I watch non-stop coloured movies

Stored in my small but jam-packed head

My films are family-friendly, free 

The main film star is always me

Dream lover has a handsome face

Tragedy is a lost suitcase

Plots are miracles in my head

Long-lost friends found, raising the dead

Mystery's the missing toilet

Waking up I quickly solve it

I watch non-stop coloured movies

Stored in my small but jam-packed head

I don't need a bedtime story

'cos I've got movies in my head.

-ends-

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