Two Lime Green Cars comic poem 519 by Angela Lansbury

Angela Lansbury with her lime green car. Photo by Trevor Sharot. 

 My lime green car looks smart,  brand new

Drivers wave if they have one, too

Though really a very old car

Reliable, it takss me far

My speed's a conservative pace

An old car but with low mileage

I loved the zipped  parcel shelf space

Its small boot takes too much luggage

Alas one day on the M4

A car behind like tanks in war

Rear-ended me, (no rain to blame)

Hit barrier, stopped in fast lane

A lorry driver ran to help

I gasped, 'I'm ok,  block this lane!'

He turned his truck diagonally

Seen for miles, so no added pain

My car had spun right around

And scattered green metal on the ground

And there I stopped

My fault? It was not

My husband still says

It was your fault, driving too slow

He wants to share, but wasn't there

So he could not know

The AA drove me to the station

I was glad to hear what they thought

A car behind must leave room to stop

So the car behind - it's their fault

We looked for a new old car

we looked high and low

On the intenet

And, what do you know?

My husband says lime's a darker hue

I should call mine pistacchio

Just imagine a luminous green

Mine was the cleanest car you've ever seen

We found a newer old car in lime - or pistacchio

A BBC voice tells we where to go

I do not use the zip up space for maps

I use Satnav or google apps

It's another car, but looks just the same

Every day I feel like I've won life's game.

The colour still thrills me, I don't have to drive

Just looking at my green car makes me feel alive.

When you lose something, what to do?

Soemtimes a chance to try what's new

Sometimes, you'll find you don't complain

If you replace it with the same.

-ends-

Lorry is British English and truck is American English but truck is recognized.

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Home Made Marmalade comical poem number 518 by Angela Lansbury

Home made marmalade. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Chinese New Year brings oranges

In England we import from Spain

Those bitter Seville oranges

Don't eat, make marmalade again

We do like things which are home made

Especially thick cut marmalade

We buy 2 bags of pectin, yet

Those jars of marmalade don't set

We've sometimes done it with success

Our resolve to research is strong

We'll tell you how to do it right

Also how not to do it wrong

You need two bags of oranges

You peel two kilos of the fruit

The pith, the pips, in muslin bags

Six sterile jars inside a boot

It takes him several hours a day

Fills two or three full, busy days

The effort that goes into this

Deserves medals, needs constant praise

We kid ourselves it's healthy food

But know the sugar content's high

If 'what you fancy does you good'

Finish the lot before you die!

-ends-

The saying is 'a little of what you fancy does you good'. However, that is eleven syllables. One line over sounds odd and means rewriting and expanding every line. Or lines one and three of every verse. Five verses, ten lines to rewrite. I have other things to do today. I might come back another day and write version two.

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Another New Year comical poem number 517 by Angela Lansbury

Angela Lansbury wearing celebration mock spectacles featuring red trees and tartan trolls. Selfie photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

 

We had Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve

On the right dates, I do believe

But January five and six

Are thrown into Europe's calendar mix

My diary says the week starts on Monday

But others think it starts on Sunday

Now Chinatown's got 'Chinese' New Year

Koreans say, Lunar New Year here!

Another date is used by Muslims

And autumn's when the school year begins

What have I forgotten? Never fear

I've remembered the Jewish New Year

I'm busy all year with New Years

I've lots of research to explain

Just as I've passed the last New Year

We start with New Year once again.

-ends-

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Matching comical poem 516 by Angela Lansbury

 

Match, match, I love to match

A jacket and top, a top and skirt

A coat and hat, If it doesn't match

I feel quite hurt

Now some like to have variety

Even if it means notoriety

The world's a big place

So they are free

But matching is the way for me

You match shoes, gloves, socks

And shells, rings and rocks

A 3 piece suite, even two clocks

The carpet here and there

A set of dining chairs

A bag, belt and hat

How smart is that!

The French will match

Plain colours, neat

Simple elegance

Head to feet

The style I hate

Which makes me late

Is trying to match up

Separates

A trouser suit

And a pair of boots

I know some folk don't

Care two hoots

In England we like pairs

Evens, dozens

Things are different with

Our Japanese cousins

Where my tea cups are four or six

But the Japanese have sets of five

Our ways of thinking do not mix

Do differences help you survive?

I like outfits' fabrics to look the same

Match labels, a perennial game

Perhaps the hardest but best match

Is the middle of hatch, match and despatch.

-ends-

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The Magic Letter E comical poem 515 by Angela Lansbury

Magnifying glass. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

I love the magic letter E

Like digging with a trowel

The letter e does work for you

It changes every vowel

The magic letter E

Is friends with you and me

I sometimes wonder, hey

What does the E do to the A?

It turns hat to hate

Turns pet rat to rate

It turns at to ate

Turns my fat to fate

I sometimes wonder why

You use E after I

It turns lit to lite

But turns spit to spite

It turns Mick to Mike

It turns lick to like.

What does E do to O

I've tried so now I know

It turns ho into hoe

It turns do into doe

It turns to into toe

What does it do for you?

Turns US tru to true

A girl called Su will sue

A French cru for the crew.

And at sea you can see

To be or not to be a bee

It's helpful and it's free

That magic letter E.

-ends-

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Adjectives and Adverbs comical poem number 514 by Angela Lansbury

Stop. Wrong Way sign in German from motorway. 

 

An adjective and an adverb

They used to puzzle me

It's simple, both words start with 'add'

It's very plain to see

An adjective describes a noun

A person, place or thing

But Hemingway, a journalist

Was taught, 'Do no such thing

'Don't add emotion to writing, 

Newspapers just state fact

Don't say dreadful, tragic, shocking

Let the reader think that.'

An adverb should describe a verb

Please, teacher, what's a verb?

A verb is called a doing word

Or so I've always heard

An adverb adds letters l y

So make drily from dry

You should make quickly out of quick

But not sickly from sick.

A comic's a funny person

Or a picture story

Comical's the adjective, don't

Be economical

Poets claim poet's license

Break punctuation rules

But if they can't get grammar right

The risk looking like fools

I'm a poet and a teacher

Which hat should I wear here?

Teachers earn more than poets do

So henceforth I'll be clear

I must change titles from comic

To comical, to be right

But changing five hundred titles

Will take me half the night

So I shall leave the early ones

Although you won't rate them

But it does have one advantage

Early errors date them.

-ends-

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New Year Resolution comical poem 513 by Angela Lansbury

 Does a new year resolution

Have to be brand new

I think I should recycle - it

And you can do it, too

-ends-

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