Doctor Calls The Pub comical poem 698 by Angela Lansbury

 

The crowded Atlas pub, where I got a personal call from a doctor. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Our wine tasting's Champagne then grub

Next Christmas party - via pub

My doctor calls me! I must have forgotten!

Body and mind must be going rotten

All doctors ask, 'How much are you drinking?'

Four drink rounds, what were they, and I, thinking!

Can't hear his questions, makes no sense

Noise, shout, about incontinence?

Now, on to gynaecology

Nobody shares, nobody cares

Pub's just the place for privacy

Drunk strangers, a doctor and me!

-ends-

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Seriously Funny Poems

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Sympathisers Upstaging My Illnesses comical poem 697 by Angela Lansbury

Walking frame and Bissell Magic Broom, dustpan and brush. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

' t's so good to see you again 

Great, meeting at clinics like this

You must be sick. Family well?

'I'll blow your dead uncle a kiss'

'Why don't we meet for tea? Just me!

I know the others won't meet you

I don't know why they don't like you

Forget them. You're okay by me.'

'How lovely of you to phone me

Wait, Dad fell from his wheelchair

I've twenty grandkids, an art class

Can't talk - dashing everywhere!'

'I'm sorry you've got skin cancer

Glad to hear it's only stage three

I've stage four, Covid, flu, lots more

Must rush off, I've doctors to see'

'I'm sorry to hear you were sick

Trouble I see, with two big toes

I walk around, with a white stick

I've ten hammer toes just like those.'

'So, darling, please tell me what's new

Yes, we, too. had Covid, and flu

I've many to see, much to do.

Please call me, 'cause I won't call you.'

-ends-

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Rudy the Runaway Reindeer comical poem 696 by Angela Lansbury

 

Rudy the Runaway Reindeer

took off on a wet winter's day

It's family all called, 'Wish you were here

Stay here,' - but he sauntered away.

Everyone was out looking

The police did a search with a drone

The coastguard, even the Royal Marines

All wanted to help Rudy home

A thermal heat-seeking picture

Revealed where our lad fell asleep

He was over the moon, asleep by a dune

Thank God not lost in the deep

They escorted him safely home

An end to our worry and fears

As for Rudy, he'll tell his tale

Of his travel for many years.

-ends-

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My latest book is a book of anecdotes called Embarrassing Moments.

Empty Calendar poem number 695 by Angela

 Poe number 695

On the first day of the year

I have a new calendar

More than three hundred days to fill

I can do anything I will

To fill the year, if you are bored

There's a card for every season

A food, a dress, which more or less

At one time had a reason

Fashion will find new colours

And shops will find new goods

New flowers, leaves, trees and birds

In each city, river, or wood

Stealing An hour poem 694

My bedcover, red with white birds flying. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

 I know I ought to go to bed

When night time cleaners clear my head

Yet every night I stay up late

I've thoughts to write which cannot wait

I'm trying to give life meaning

I love the quiet of the night

Protect laughter, stop life's screaming

Postpone facing traffic noise, light

And yet I know that I'm stealing

Hours which belong to tomorrow

Like taking two biscuits, chocolates

Means less later, to my sorrow

Some say you steal from life's end

If in your youth sleep hours you spend

Who knows what fate will throw my way

I'll grab another hour today.

-ends.

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My latest book of anecdotes is Embarrassing Moments

Things We Didn't Do This Year comical Poem 693 by Angela Lansbury

We sent a lot of emails iyt

We no longer send out faxes

We filled up a long tax return

Then paid all our bills and taxes

We  researched buying a big fridge

Sorted our books on playing bridge

Replaced a fence, rebuilt a wall

We haven't done a lot at all

People say I'm very lucky

That my husband is a keen cook

I'm an ex teacher, wrote a book

He too, wrote and printed a book

We had a lot of Covid jabs, not flu jabs

Lucky, didn't get the flu

My goodness, what a lot we've done

And so much more to do

My book came out a month ago

No time to write an ad

I'm busy wiring my next book

Do you think that I am mad?

We picked apples, not made cider

Got phyloxera on vines

We have not committed murder, stole, robbed banks

Just didn't have the time.

-ends-

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The Prolific Poet comical poem 692 by Angela Lansbury

 Some people struggle to write a poem

I write many, like a shop of hats

Poems pour our of me incessantly

Like drops from a dripping tap - sorting words is like herding cats

Poems pour out of my poised pen

I'm running chased by words like rain

Oh, no, here comes another one

Like buses, three more stop again - I diet, but my poem's fat.

-ends-

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