What If: comical poem by Angela Lansbury number 723

When you are tired your mind plays tricks

Tormented by broke things to fix

Thoughts run, stumble, in a hurry

Drag a big file labelled worry

 

What if I went to bed tonight

Unwashed, but never woke up?

What if there were small but deep holes

Inside every glass and tea cup?

Who would make the breakfast for us

Do washing up? Should I prepare? 

Just my husband. Why should I care?

Not my problem. I won't be there.

What if there were poisons

In all chocolate, sweets and cakes?

A tragedy for you and me

Like fake sugar. But we'd lose weight.

What if the day after I died

None of my great poems were read?

I would never know and grieve

I'd be dead, at peace, empty head

But my dear mother always said

Don't cry for strangers far away

Don't make yourself unhappy, dear

Leave yesterday, enjoy today

Think: what if I were praised? Famous?

What if I made a million smile!

Then writing this one ten a.m.

Would all have been really worthwhile

What if I found my dried up pen

Years on, and read this all again

And said, gosh, was this really mine?

I was already clever then!

What happens later, no-one knows

I'll leave behind such pretty clothes

Satins and silk, ribbons and bows

A garden with a perfumed rose

So I shall write about delight

Before I quench the bedside light

Rest in the darkness of kind night

Help my eyes close in soft repose.

-ends-

I changed the line

I was rather clever back then

to read

I was already clever then.

I changed daylight to bedside light. 

I changed 

Let my eyes close in sweet repose

to read

Help my eyes close in sweet repose.

About Angela Lansbury - my books of poetry

include  Poetry Pets & Pests

Poetry Workbook

 My latest book, Embarrassing Moments, is on Amazon, at a bargain price of well under ten pounds

Please follow me and share links to your favourite poems.

Tea For Three With Me: comical poem number 722 by Angela Lansbury

Breakfast

Traditional English breakfast

Porridge oats, sugar or honey

Then baked beans, egg and bacon grill

Hotels give this thrill, for money

For daily grub go to the pub

Avoiding big hotels' big bills

Choose sausages and black pudding

Fried potato, and tomato

Lunch

For lunch you could choose a Scotch egg

Sardines on toast, a healthy fish

Fish and chips is what we like most

Sundays Yorkshire pud with beef roast

If you're adding roast potatoes

Careful. You'd better keep quiet

Please don't spoil my good gourmet day

By reminding me to diet

For weekday lunch we have salad

And smoked salmon in a bagel

Supermarket sushi, garlic

We buy half price when we're able

Tea

Each afternoon we stop at four

Or four thirty, or even five

By which time we're yawning and tired

Need food and drink to stay alive

Tea time in London"s any time

No longer always Earl Grey tea

We drink hot coffee, apple juice

Lemon, ginget or mint for me

 If you've never had hot crumpets

Your gourmet life has not begun

If you"re offered two with butter

Please don't stick to half or just one

Scones feature in Cornish cream tea

Spread thick cream, then strawberry jam

Some say you should put jam on first

Avoid arguing, if you can

We sometimes choose a restaurant

But most of our food's home made

We make brown bread with seeds and nuts

Seville oranges marmalade

We clear the table, wash the dishes

And load the dishwashing machine

It does a very good job

Of keeping our plates sparkling clean

Dinner

Then it's time to lay the table

And get ready for dinner

For me, it's brussels sprouts

Chicken and chips is a winner.

Plates of steak, add English mustard

Chocolate pudding, with custard

Christmas pudding, then easter eggs

Build balloon tums and tree trunk legs

Tea Tomorrow

I hope you'll come to tea with me

But I must tell you with sorrow

I ate the last baklava and chocolate

My fruit diet starts tomorrow.

-Ends-

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Could God Make A Mistake? comical poem 721 by Angela Lansbury

 All things are bright and beautiful 

That hymn was written long ago

What if I wrote it nowadays 

With all the science we now know?

Even if you are religious, 

If you search, I'm sure you will find

Devout and decent people pray 

To make God change his, or her, mind

Take cities of millions of men,

Study their acts, a million years

If you give all of them free will 

Most give love, laughter, some spread tears

Just like modern electric cars

Have accelerators and brakes

Gardens' cats, rats, dog, frog, fox, snake, 

Could one of them be a mistake?

Cat waiting, asking for milk and mice. Hillview Road. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

We see all from our point of view

The sun, the stars and universe

The summer, winter, breezes, storms

The births, loves, weddings, deaths and hearse

Your voice has choice, prose, poetry, 

We all choose for better and worse

Sing hymns of praise, or say swear words, 

Pay compliments, pay bills and curse

Last night I dreamt, as dreamers do, 

Not nightmares, daydreams, just like you

I met a dream friend of a friend, 

I turned up late, but, at the end

I saw her flat up in the sky, 

She lived so high, I wondered why

Far above green trees, deep blue seas, 

White nets new, terrace, dizzy view

I woke and thought, is life like dreams, 

Just random events? Or real schemes?

I must not sit and pray all day, 

Read life's cook books.  First work. Then play

'though the world's full of mad mistakes, 

When a fine vase breaks, in the end

Make your fate bend, take gold to mend, 

And make each day fulfil one dream.

-ends-

Kin-tsugi repair is a Japanese system of painting gold over the random cracks when you glue together a broken vase or bowl or plate. The Japanese mix the gold with the glue. I glued first, then painted the gold on top with a gold marker pen. Kin means gold. Tsugi is mend or journey. 

I won a speech contest about the environment, using a broken porcelain lamp base, shaped like a vase, which after it broke I had mended with gold, Japanese style, making it look better than when it had been just plain dark green.

About Angela Lansbury's Blogs

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About Angela Lansbury's books

I have twenty books and ebooks on amazon.com and lulu.com, some humorous poetry, such as Poetry Pets and Pests, humorous prose, such as my latest book Embarrassing Moments. Take a look. Buy one for yourself or a friend. 

Meeting Angela To Get A Signed Book

If you live near me in Harrow, London, England, or meet me at a Toastmasters International speakers' club meeting or speech contest, I can sign a book for you and write a rhyming couplet about you or your name.

You Are Not Alone: comical poem number 720 by Angela Lansbury

Mobile phone. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

You are never alone if you have a phone

The family know you're out or at home

Laughing or griping, whatsapp sees typing

You're in the soup if you share with a group

When it's dark and cold and you stay in bed

Google can guess what is inside your head

You may feel fraught over what you have bought

More ads pop up, your food, drink and pets caught

If this surveillance drives you round the bend

Sometimes good surprises can make amends

AI can tell us how this poem ends

While we block enemies and follow friends.

-ends-

Hard Times For Rhymes. Comical poem 719 by Angela Lansbury.

 

Angela Lansbury with large pencil and notebook. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Some people give you a hard time

For using well-known, well used rhymes

I can't do new things all the time

Do they want words, cliches - or mime?

Others complain that you're too proud

You laugh too loud or shout too loud

Yes, I am proud and I'm unbowed

I refuse to be down and cowed

Let's celebrate phrases we know

First used by Shakespeare long ago

I'll give you yours, forgive me mine

Win guessing games with well-known rhymes.

-ends-

I think that was a record for the time of writing a poem. Twenty minutes for the poem. I thought of a subject and a title. Twenty minutes. Three verses. 12 lines. 12 rhymes. checked each line had eight syllables. Added the labels. Checked the number of the poem. Wrote this comment.

Another ten minutes for  -

Added the appeal. Turned on Italics. 

Found a photo - copied from another poem.

Added a reference to my books of poetry

such as Poetry Pets & Pests

Poetry Workbook

 and my latest book, Embarrassing Moments, which is on Amazon, at a bargain price of well under ten pounds

Please follow me and share links to your favourite poems.

Are You Well? comical poem number 718 by Angela Lansbury

Seven day pill box. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

'Dear, are you well?' It's hard to tell

Because I'm now old as the hills.

I must be ill. I take six pills.

I'm glad that I don't foot the bill

These pills are designed to protect

They do the job, yet one suspects -

More rashes, lumps and swollen necks

Alas, pills all have side effects

Each day pills taken heads the page

Each decade I reach a new stage

Chair yoga now is all the rage

I'm well, for someone of my age

When young, I would read long novels

Learning from others' active lives 

Now instead I read long leaflets

Which help me, I hope, to survive

I read and write a lot of wills

I read and pay a lot of bills

I climb chairs, not stairs and hills

Still read a lot - about my pills.

For my age I'm very healthy

From hypochondria not free

Teens take vitamins A to E

They multi-worry, just like me.

-ends-

Depicting others' lively lives 

was changed to learning from others' active lives.

Where is the humour here? I have tried to analyse the implications. For example, a lot of wills, could be others dying all around me, or indecisiveness meaning I keep re writing my will, which also implies I don't think I am well but I or others think I am dying and should make or revise a will.

It's a light hearted look at taking pills. 

The young also take a lot more pills than I did when I was younger.

We now take pills for everything, to stay healthy as well as vitamin pills.

I brought in an extra verse at the end about teens, and vitamin pills, to expand poem's audience.

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If Only Food Were Salesmen 717 comical poem by Angela Lansbury

Hot crumpet with melting butter. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

 If only food could sell itself 

I wonder what my food would say?

I'm an orange,  juicy fresh peach

Dark chocolate brightens your day

I'm the reddest ripe tomato

I'm horseradish white as the moon

Avocado, baked potato

I was a plum, I'm now a prune

I'm the best almond marzipan

I'm pistachio baklava

I'm the frozen roll-out pastry

Make pies and tarts, no palaver

I'm the bulbous, blackest berries

I'm green crisp apples on long stalks

I'm the reddest, sweetest cherries

Grape vines climbing, they walk, don't talk

I'm grainy, tasty French mustard

Currant buns, muffins mothers make

I'm pudding with pooling custard

I'm tasty, iced, fruit birthday cake.

I'm the coffee served with thick cream

I'm pretty pictures drawn in foam

Lick the plate, then eat After Eight

Freedom plus fine flavours at home.

-ends-

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